Friday, December 28, 2018

Navigational Tips for Individuals Discovering a Narcissistic Individual in their Family or Life

This blogpost was inspired by a call for guidance wall post, of a fellow adult daughter, healing from Narcissistic abuse of a Narcissistic mother, in a private social media support group. The following is inspired by my response to her.

The group member posted of having recently learned that she has a Narcissistic Mother, after some intensive personal therapy, of her own. She is realizing how common and predictable the Narcissistic Mother's behaviors truly are. She asked if it would be a good idea to point out to her Narcissistic Mother, the unhealthy behaviors she acts out, and if this would help her mother? And she also asked if it will ever be possible to share a relationship with her, once she the adult daughter, sets healthy boundaries?

Welcome to the club, Human Relative. It is amazing to me to live at a time, when so many are contributing to help us see, understand, and heal from unhealed Narcissists and their messy, abusive behaviors. I like all the guidance you’ve been given here.

It’s a tricky steep slope, and it is well worth setting some boundaries, and carving out a small spaces for yourself as a non-abuse zones.

There are countless wonderful videos on YouTube that are like mini coaching sessions for us.

Some describe interacting with a Narcissist as a constant chess game. Gray rocking is helpful, yet if they're walking all over you, sometimes saying something stronger is useful, like, “I know that’s not about me,” “I hear you and I see it differently,” and or “no thank you, I’ll oversee my own blah blah blah!”

Remember that other aspects of the Narcissist and their behaviors include being full of toxic shame, being fake, putting on an act, being an empty shell or a donning a mask. They can’t truly love because they’ve been hurt too bad and don’t trust love is real. 

They are usually more jaded, wounded, even paranoid and distrusting of others. They can’t see you as separate, more of an appendage. They can’t have a 2 way, balanced, concerned conversation, and instead gain fuel through any engagement, drama, defense, etc with you. They will offload and dump their toxic poisons into, and on you. Keeping themselves in the superior position and you, and others in the inferior one, is a constant need and strategy. They lie and use manipulative tactics to avoid responsibility for the manipulative ways they treat you and others. 

And as you get healthy and start to set and maintain boundaries, and see and call them on their manipulative behaviors and Narcissistic habits, this triggers their Narcissistic wounding, as in it highlights the wounded real self they hide from people, and hide from themselves. So as you get healthier, they lose  some of their mask, strategic power, control and dominance. This is both highly dangerous and a form of death to them. They will project all their pain, vulnerability and weakness onto you. If you back off to claim healthy whole living, balance and clarity, they will be forced to push other flying monkeys into their sphere, who believe their false dramas and give them fuel without question, hassles, or truth.

They can get worse with age and circumstances, seeing you as a threat or enemy, and can make strategic moves that are the equivalent of cutting you off at the knees to save their own self, false self, delusional existence, fears and fantasies. So viewing them as a poison filled, stunted toddler, with no real accountability, empathy, emotional IQ, no real self worth, and no honesty, nor ability for self responsibility is half the healing equation.  

The other half seems to be building your strength and self love, joy, choice, authority, power, focus, and success up to full-to-overflowing. Recognizing all our natural inner child desires for 2 healthy, treasuring, comforting, valuing parents will never be met by these injured, poison filled, volatile, offensive, fear-based, controlling, childish, two-faced, wounded, insecure, needy beings. And realizing their dramas are not our fault, nor ours to fix. Also realizing they will overall never change, they will never be satisfied, you will never completely save, heal, change, satisfy, nor fix them. And realizing that we will never fill all the holes in their bucket, nor get real love from them, is also a crucial step in our healing.

The only one we can change is our own self.

Once we start to see all this, it shifts the whole balance of the levels of health we allow, in ourselves and in other people in our lives.

Then our standards for healthy relating can grow so strong, we can secure health, truth, boundaries, caring, honesty, authenticity, joy, balance, wholeness and success, even inspiration and self care within ourselves, and really inspire our close family and friends in the healthiest ways. Thus we effect change and positivity in this world, from the inside out!

The awkward part, is that once we learn what Narcissism is, and how it works, what is healthy for us, is disturbing and dangerous for them. Their misery, victimhood, pain and problem states seem pathetic and exaggerated, as they start to lose their power to manipulate and feed off of us!

Remembering we are innocent, despite how they try to smash us, and becoming our own strength and authority are all empowering steps for us, as we learn how to un-shoulder, unshackle, and untether from their sickness and manipulation tactics, habits, toxic hand-me-downs, projections, and energy sucking, enmeshing tethers.

I just listened to a few wonderful powerful new support videos on Youtube (see links below.) The presenters reminded of a few key points. One is that Narcissists have the equivalent of brain damage, and as they age, it is highly unlikely that it will ever heal, go away, and or change. 

Two, they are insecure, and thus need to diminish and cut down other people to raise themselves up. 

Three, the insecure narcissist can trigger your insecurities, so the best response you can bring, is remaining as secure and strong within yourself and life, as possible, both for yourself, and in interactions with them. 

And four, if and when the Narcissist goes to therapy, they do not go as healthy individuals, rather they go to learn all the ways that did not work of manipulating their Narcissistic Supply Providers, and to strategize new ways to manipulate the people in their immediate life. Thus, even therapy can make them sicker and more dangerous. 

Therapy isn't for everyone, only for the emotionally responsible. I guess our job is to become so strong and love filled, that we develop a natural immunity to the toxic shame they steep in and project out, through bouts of volatility, projection, rage, and childish tantrums! Our assignment also includes creating wonderful lives for ourself, and getting our focus off them.

Blessings on the eye opening journey of self reclamation!

Here are three new YouTube videos that I find beautifully helpful, as discovered today.

How the Insecure Narcissist Can Trigger your Insecurities - Dr. Les Carter - Surviving Narcissism

Imaginary Confessions of a Narcissist (If only they could be this honest) - Dr. Les Carter - Surviving Narcissism

Light Language Healing for Full Chakra Cleanse with Marlene Cronin

Here are some additional resources for anyone open to, or needing to learn more about Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I have gathered the following support YouTube Videos on this topic, weeding out some of the most super supportive, highly informative, and less well known insights and guidance videos on a YouTube Playlist I call "Top Resources for Understanding Narcissists."

"Top Resources for Understanding Narcissists."

The second list I am sharing is a far more comprehensive list.  Here it is:

"Resources for Understanding and Recovery from Narcissists... (and Narcissistic Abuse)"

If you are interested in the New Earth based toolkits I offer on this path of Soul Expansion, Please visit my website at: 

where you can learn more about ThetaHealing, Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique, and Parallel Life Regression.

Stay tuned for more new offerings, in the making right now!

I welcome you to share this blog entry, and these resources freely.

We have been trained to love our family, parents and partners unconditionally. I recommend and encourage new terminology, which is to love and relate with wholehearted discernment. Many of these unhealthy patterns grew out of times when emotional I.Q. was really, overall not considered, studied, honored, nor understood. 

You are living in new times, when teachers like Brené Brown, Kathlyn and Gay Hendricks, Vianna Stibal, The Pleiadians through Nora Herold, Dolores Cannon, Dr. Eric Pearl, Dr. Les Carter, Lisa A. Romano, and you and I, Jen Klarfeld exist, and are helping turn the whole game around for good!

Let us celebrate, be vulnerable, honor imperfections, and honor our divinity by being whole, gentle, loving, unifying, Graced and grateful within this grand Creation.

Cocreative Kin: Be blessed!

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