|Abstract Painting by Julie Schumer|
Enjoy this abstract painting by Santa Fe Artist, Julie Schumer. Today simply looking at this and some other paintings on Julie's Facebook page, ignited me into deep contemplation, after a conversation with a family member, that brought some old and current uncomfortable feelings to the surface, in me. This inspired me to explore some thoughts of mine on setting boundaries and maintaining health in the face of old, less than solid enhancing relational energies.
Abstract painting for me has long been a sanity valve, and a harmonious salve. Opening such a creative process allows the freedom of the soul to dance, shine, and expand. As a highly empathic early indigo, and sensitive, abstract painting, mine and others' creates a beautiful escape from the limits of my human mind, ego and the pressures of humans, who forget who we are and potentially become energy sucks, sometimes me and sometimes others. Like going to the lakeside, soaking in the ocean, walking in the woods, or on the Mesa, abstract art takes me away & brings the sweet relief of not knowing, or having to understand anything.
I just attempted to set a boundary with one such person & family member. I suggested we share one light hearted phone call, alternating, and one where we dump our problems on each other, randomly. This brought out hurt feelings from the inner child of the other.
The Unhealthy Jewish Family Tradition, is to enmesh with one's children, (partner, family and friends) and shit one's constant pain into their off-springs cage, so to speak.
I will find a healthy way of setting a boundary that says, "It isn't good for me to share all these levels of your intensity and pain, on a weekly basis." I can do two freely shitting upon each other conversations per month, and two or more light hearted, vacation like, playful communications. Four pain and woe, enmeshing, woundology dumping/bonding sessions is beyond my capacity, interest, and ability right now. I will find a diplomatic way to state, maintain and enliven this boundary.
In too much of my Mom's family of origin, filling yourself and your loved ones up with pain meant they loved you. Direct expressions of love were a luxury reserved for other people and families, not facing Russian Pogroms & Hitler's Nazis.
I am of the generation that lives in relative safety. I am able to express love as love, directly. I am truly grateful. Learning to navigate these realities is a gift and a challenge I came here to face, traverse, and triumph through. I came to expand beyond the limits of all of these factors, and in doing so, I am better situated to help others through similar relational war zones, within, with family, friends, and co-workers. We are not slaves in this modern incarnation... Not anymore. It is up to us to re-educate ourselves and those around us, of how to treat ourselves and others with dignity and respect!
I am grateful to have found ThetaHealing, which helps me to more easily maneuver and secure the changes I desire in my life, from the inside first and foremost, and then throughout my full life expression.
In the movie, "Thanks for Sharing," there is a great line by the adult Jewish Doctor Son character, where he confronts his Jewish New Yorker Mother and explains, "I'm not your husband, I'm not your lover, I'm no longer your baby, and I can't be your therapist. I'm your grown son, and how we relate needs to change!"
In my work facilitating healing, awakening and change, as well as within all the wisdom my Dad has ever taught me, is the key truth, we cannot change others, we cannot save others, we cannot take away the pain from those we love. Yet a key premise in avoiding and healing old codependent traps, is honoring one's true feelings. And when it feels sucky, crumby, crappy, draining, deadening, hopeless and helpless, it's OK, and healthy to stop, excuse one's self, and to opt out of playing games that don't feel fun, in order to recharge, honor self care, heal replenish, set healthy role models within & about one's self, and with others.
The only one I can truly change is myself. I can do this when I feel what's real, speak my truth even when it is not comfortable, and make changes to grow strong, bright, brilliant and even more loving.
When love feels predatory, needy, unclear, confused, or unclean, maybe it is.
Sometimes loving yourself first, allows more loving relations, after renewed healthy boundaries are acknowledged, mapped out, maintained and upheld!
Check it on the inside, see "how does this feel?" Write your life for joy, love and kindness first, then you can more easily branch out and share this.
The pain of generations that came before us, is not our gift and legacy. Contrary to popular belief, it is not love.
Our ability to transform and source ourselves from love, through the pain that comes and goes while living this human experience... That's where it's at. That's what I am here to learn more about, and share more freely.
I am not here to deny, negate or condemn pain, mine yours, or my family members'. I am not here to make it my identity or false solace either.
These rights of passage, this stepping up to secure healthy love and changes, these are our sacred initiations. May I find the strength, power, love, support, and trust to allow these initiations to better me, and carry me forward. May I trust in the strength of who I truly am, and what I can make possible and real. May I trust in the wholeness and holiness of who we all are.
May you find all that you are, all that you love, and all that you are seeking. May you trust your grand initiations, as you open to the deeper gifts of who you are.
May we all recognize how truly blessed we are, right here and now!
May you take heart in whatever brings you comfort and grace, like art, dance, music, nature, community and soul bring me. May you find refuge in the beauty of who you... and of who we truly are!
Thank you everyone... Thank you my Family... Thank you Julie Schumer for painting your beautiful paintings, that bring grace, love, comfort, and healing beyond my mind's ordinary understanding!
I love you all! Thanks for starring in our crazy earth school play, together.
You can find Julie Schumer and her art at:
You can find me at: