Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Resources for Understanding and Recovery from Narcissists

Art by Jen Klarfeld

Do you ever feel undermined by others, in odd ways that seem to have nothing to do with you? Have you ever felt like you're not the captain of your own LIFE's ship? Then this list may be of supreme help for you!

In my own journey as an Energetic Sensitive, Empath, and Early Indigo, it has really helped me to learn about the influence of Narcissists, and how to recover my authentic, whole healthy self, as I de-install some of their programs, and disentangle from their taunts, energies, traps and lies.
In my Life and work, I like to get to the root of pain, problems, disease and discomfort.

I know there is a huge trend in both the spiritual and the Ascension Communities to glide by the way of a lot of spiritual bypassing, as in pretending we're a mind, or a no-mind, while rising above, and ignoring our human feelings. I am trained in these approaches some too. They feel good, for an hour here, and a weekend there. Until all that has been repressed turns into illness, or other energetic traps. Another extreme is being so identified with pain and problems that they are one's whole world, and one can fall into using these identifications to play the victim role, and actually inappropriately feed off of others energy, like the world is their long lost mother.

A lot to navigate down here, huh?

My new drive is releasing so many imposed shackles and yokes I have politely shouldered, worn, and carried, for family members, friends, acquaintances, lineages, communities, employers, clients, relations, religions, guilt trippers, Narcissists, systems, a few lovers, and sometimes even strangers.

When I release myself from old slave programs, familial hand me downs, lineage shackles and programs, societal yokes, fellow human's psychic hooks, burdens, and lies, and ultimately my own stored soul programs yokes, shackles, masks, identifications, reactions, and prisons, and the general need to be loved, liked, or understood by anyone, and or everyone... it sure becomes easier to allow and feel my own true feelings which are a vital part of my soul guidance system.

Art by Jen Klarfeld

While exploring the human journey, I have joined friends in researching and healing the scars of Narcissistic Abuse. It's such a wild journey.

One of our favorite Guides on the way is Lisa A. Romano. Follow my links on this list to subscribe to her Youtube playlist of resources for insights, answers, healing and guidance. Order her books on Amazon.com If you need more support, join her Private Facebook group at "Lisa A. Romano Healing from Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse."
My experience is that the Earth is free, the waters are free, the air, elements, galaxy and universe are free, as the humans also are free, only the humans are playing out some other baggage, simultaneously.

To grow into our total truth, wholeness, and freedom, we are individually, and collectively called to sort through, which aspects of the human shadow we are still willing to drag around, and which ones we are healthier giving back!
This is a huge part of my passion, within the human experience. I am an enthusiastic fan of the human soul, and our journey.

Mandala Art Colored and Altered by Jen Klarfeld

Humans fascinate me!

If any of this speaks to you, please follow my link, investigate, explore, express, learn, and find encouragement, support, and uplifting resources!

To learn how I facilitate explorers through the soul expansion arts, feel welcome to visit my website at www.TraiblazingTransformation.com

We are not to blame, our friends and family are not really here to attack back and or blame. These resources are more about helping us better learn and understand the rules to a game, that were often never clarified, expressed, or explained.

Narcissists are operating mostly through unconscious programs, patterns, reactions, and habits, and often have little to no capacity to see, or safely dialog about their responsibility in how they interact, shame, attack, sting, guilt, humiliate, and scapegoat strangers, service providers, waiters, children, grown children, lovers, ex- lovers, enemies, nations, students, and friends!

Please share this link with friends, family and associates who may benefit, by taking this painful subject out of the shadows, and into the light. Many struggling to reclaim our full selves, are isolated, uninformed, and somewhat unsupported!
A little information goes a long way!

Some traits of the Narcissist include:

1. Black and white thinking... always never, all or nothing.

2. Continually blaming outside sources, people, institutions, family members, and generalized groups, for their own victimization.

3. Scapegoating: or as I like to describe it: "I feel like shit... so it must be your fault!"

4. Abusing authority, and disrespecting family, friends, associates and strangers.

5. Wielding jealousy in strange surprising ways.

6. Borderline tendencies border back and forth between fear, then rage, then fear, then rage.

7. Exhibiting "the turn." Children of Narcissists are all too familiar with this intimidating clue. This is when the eyes of the Narcissist fill up with a kind of mischievous poisonous, intent to harm look. This is a clue that their inner fear has crossed into the outer rage category.

8. Holes in the bucket. All the love and good you share easily dissipates, and leaks out, only to be replaced by a weird array of lack, shame, pain, blame, fear and insecurity.

9. Narcissists have no trust of you, and no trust in themselves.

10. No capacity for real intimacy.

11. Sometimes a strong victim identification.

12. No real ability to see, allow, or honor the real you.

13. No real self, more of an act.

14. Narcissists, over and over again, fall into reckless displays of volatility and rage.

15. Narcissists specialize in fear, more than share faith.

16. Cannot self reflect.

17. Often hysterical, and reactive.

18. Hierarchical.

19. Needs validation from external sources.

20. Falls into lack, fear and blame, even when well provided for.

21. Lies, ridicules and attacks those closest to her or him, both behind their back and directly to their face.

22. Starkly different treatment of individuals and groups, adoring a chosen few, while scapegoating another disposable, hated, scapegoated few. They definitely play favorites.

23. May prefer the opposite sex, over the same sex.

24. Uses abandonment or threats of abandonment to control loved ones.

25. Minimizes, devalues, negates, and diminishes others.

26. Gets bored easily.

27. May have poor to no boundaries at all.

28. Uses you to get their needs met.

29. Blames you for not being controllable!

30. Coercive, and or verbally abusive.

31. Acts like everything about you, is actually about them, because often they don't or can't even see you.

32. Cannot be accountable, or remember abuses rendered, spoken, or projected, because the Narcissist's brain chemistry feeds off it's victim, during bouts of the Narc's volatility.

33. Acts warm and caring in public, and abuses certain targets, covertly, in private.

34. Has little to no self esteem.

35. Is highly threatened when called on their abuses!

36. Feels attacked and shuts down when called on their abuses.

37. Attacks or shuts down, when other people express real feelings, as it's all about them, or valueless, or boring.

38. Expresses outlandish, unrealistic, unquenchable needs and projections.

39. Is often unfulfillable.

40. Lives in a constant state of inflated pride, pretending to be someone important, or more rich, powerful, influential, or healthy than others. It's all for show, and they cannot feel this internally.

41. In truth, at the core the Narcissist feels insignificant, unworthy, and cut off.

42. Without some study, and intervention, their insecurity, hopelessness, helplessness, volatility, and rage, pain, lack blame, shame, and blind rage will be passed down to the next generation!

43. Disgust, undermining, indifference, or outright jealousy, when loved ones around them make genuine friends, or experience and share genuine love.

44. Not genuinely interested in self responsibility, accountability, or individual therapy, unless backed into a dire corner.

45. Boundaries are not their thing. They often perceive others' setting boundaries, as a threat or a violation to them.

46. They will use therapy, or promises of therapy, to manipulate loved ones. If they participate in therapy, their preferred choice is to pay for it, control it, and drag other close parties in to scapegoat and blame, while they fund, and thus manipulate the experience as if they are sudenly an expert in the field.

47. Narcissists are often dissociated, and are not always capable of making safe choices and decisions for themselves, yet push out, caring loved ones who would and could intervene and or help.

48. Many lovers, children, employees, clients, and friends can become highly dissociated in the face of dissociated negating narcissists.

49. The ways in which Narcissists are emotionally stunted and shut down, often leave people in their

50. Narcissists easily fall into the role of victim, martyr, or both.

51. Sometimes Narcissists use their victim status to buy love and attention, after driving loved ones away with their sick behaviors!

52. Narcissists are mostly motivated by what they can get out of you and others.

53. Some therapists will not take a Narcissist on, as a client, as Narcissists are more likely than healthy patients to sue their therapists, doctors, healers, and helpers.

54. Narcissists often need to feel and establish themselves as higher, smarter, and wiser than you. They are their car, their neighborhood, their college degree, their credentials, and the financial and class status. The loss of any of these masks, or their outer reputation, is like death to them.

55. To the Narcissist, the world is generally hostile, especially to them.

56. Anything you ever tell them, can and will be used against you.

57. Their accusations often include the word "always."

58. Narcissists can be self endangering, addictive, highly unconscious, and equally endangering to others.

59. Narcissists want you to live dependent on them, and to prove and rub it in, that you couldn't have succeeded, won, survived, and or made it without them.

60. Narcissists need to shove you down, to lift themselves up.

61. Narcissists don;t truly want to hear most of what you have to say.

62. Narcissists do not value you. Narcissists do not value themselves.

63. Narcissists will use you to get their needs met. They may have sex with your lover, steel your boyfriend, steel your business vision, steel your plan. They don't really care, and will do it with no remorse.

64. Narcissists will offer to help you, and pull the rug out from under you, when you are no longer needed, or they get tired, or bored, or no longer see you as valid, beneficial, or useful in meeting their needs.

65. And again, the Narcissist can't really see you. To them, you are more of them.

66. No territory or moment, thought, plan or personal reality is off limits to them. They will call you on the phone, roam around in your head, and tell you where you are, and what you are thinking. They still have no idea you are not them.

67. Narcissists surround themselves with very accommodating, highly flexible friends.

68. You just can't win with the Narcissist. The talk behind your back, when you are to weak. They talk behind your back when you are too strong. They talk behind your back, no matter what you do or don't do!

69. If you divorce a narcissist, they will attack and devalue you to your shared children, as long as possible.

70. Narcissists don't always know how to credit others, thanks others, or truly apologize.

71. Narcissists don't always have the capacity to listen, or express tolerance, or acceptance.

72. In families, communities, and social settings, Narcissists, often require, and set up a scapegoat.

73. Narcissists may never fully offer forgiveness. They will hold onto a grudge, and 50 years later, use it against you.

74. Narcissists can fear for safety, theirs and theirs masquerading as yours, at any and all life stages, regardless of their wealth or poverty.

75. Narcissists often win your trust, draw you in, and then attack, then repeat, and repeat again. It is confusing, and a lot more dangerous and painful, than people who are mostly trustworthy and authentic, or people who are mostly tyrannical. Narcissists play out the whole gamut, winning your trust, kicking you in the balls, winning your trust, sabotaging your trust. Their trust account is overdrawn... so their inclined to mess with yours.
76. Narcissists are sick. Many can not be treated with mere pharmaceuticals. Most are unwilling and or incapable of sincere self reflection.

77. Narcissists and healthy people are very different from each other. One of the hardest aspects of being raised by a narcissist, is that it's all one knows, or half of what one knows. Decades can go by, and a victim of narcissistic abuse may not understand the abuse, or know how to escape from or heal its effects.

There are lots of healthy people out there. It may take the recovering victim, or co-dependent, a healthy sum of time, to learn the differences between healthy parents, self, friends, and relationships, and unhealthy ones. It's well worth the effort.

78. The Narcissist is certain that it's everyone else's fault, that the Narcissist lives a life consumed in suffering. This makes it extra tricky for the Empath, and or Co-dependent, to identify the unhealthy patterns, discover their roots, employ healing, receive validation, and reclaim wholeness, worth, and innocence. Still it is a tremendous and valuable initiation!

One More Favorite Resource to Share, a Valuable Resource: The Book: Understanding The Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship, by Christine Ann Lawson

Resources for Understanding and Recovery from Narcissists... YouTube Playlist by Jen Klarfeld:

Thursday, March 30, 2017

"I Am Not Your Negro" Is Not Just a Movie!

What is Power?

One of the core themes of the human hero's journey: the polarities of abject powerlessness and the struggle there in, the shallow power of power over others, for lack of ability to source true power balance and love within, and the glorious road onward to discovering the true depth of empowerment, by way of learning who we truly are!

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.” ―
Alice Walker 

Writer and Wise Woman Alice Walker by Jennifer Esperanza #AliceWalker #TheColorPurple #JenniferEsperanza

Alice Walker Photograph,
shared with permission of the Artist: www.Jennifer Esperanza.com
Author Activist Alice Walker www.alicewalkersgarden.com

After the amazing shared exploration tonight of the film "I Am Not Your Negro," a highly explosive, deep, and simultaneously gentle, initiatory, disturbing, beautiful, transformative eye opener!

The introduction by and Karen Jones Meadows, panel and audience perceptions and responses, all made an indelible impact on me.

Powerhouse Karen Jones Meadows of www.karenjonesmeadows.com
sharing her personal memories and a beautiful written passage of her own.

What I feel, think, and take from the film, the featured artist, and the energies and contributions of all behind the film, our history American, African and Global history, and all of us who were blessed, graced and intensified to take it in, is not a dead, pre-packaged, set reaction, it's one of the most profound gifts of the film. I'd describe it as so uniquely original, real, true and unexpected, that the take away is a living response, like an invitation, that feels equal parts initiatory... and very dearly without end.

James Baldwin really surprised me!

It's a little hard to put into world, yet it was the opposite of the way a modern museum is biased, deadening, and often re-appropriating cultures inappropriately.

The film was and is a deep and impactful Living experience, directly from the heart and Source of one of the more original, arresting and pertinent voices I have ever heard!

It's a film you could watch a hundred times and have a whole new experience each time.
It is a film I can watch once, yet it lives on sparking new ways of seeing, infinitely!  
I look forward to sharing it, watching it, and living with the life of this creation, informing me from within.

Cameroonian and Global Artist and Activist Issa Nyaphaga

Thank you James Baldwin and Friends. I can honestly say I feel... appreciate... and am moved to tears and to deeper connections in living this film.

Documentary seems to small a word.

While it is different from the Grand Canyon, seeing this film, feels more on the scale of the Grand Canyon, as opposed to a photo attempting to express the Grand wonders of the real physical expanse.

My best descriptions are two.  It's beyond description!
And it is a remarkable living and most provocative reality.
It's really a living being... a truly surprising living being, that shares a transmission that lives on with anyone who opens to it, and likely more!
That's the best way I can wrap words around tonight.

Author, Visionary, and Trailblazer in the Human Consciousness Movement Wanda Padia

I have more awe filled feelings.

Really wowed and grateful!

It did not read like a documentary on a person, nor a documentary on a people. It was more. It is somehow this living expression that penetrates your soul, and embodies the soul of the artist, and the tribe of African American Humanity expressed in a wholly original way!


Thank you Issa Nyaphaga and Victoria Scott for inviting me... and everyone for cooperatively receiving this with me.

People attending spoke out against power, gave voice to trauma, explained what feels uniquely torturous and traumatizing about aspects of the experience of being black, brown, and or non-white in America.

The film addressed so much my mind is building new compartments to organize and hold it all!

When Karen Jones Meadows shared her true heart and experiences, I felt like I could have spent a whole week listening and relishing the real, what, how, and soul of all she said!

Thank you www.naacpsfnm.blogspot.com/ 

It was at times uncomfortable to feel and hear the experiences of what people with darker hued African genes, hair and or skin, have often been trained to protect the rest of us, from letting us know what they really think, and what they feel, observe, experience, and wonder about the outwardly non-African Americans.

Then there were the layers below, of what each of us feels and thinks about racism, prejudice, hate, projection, deflection, victimhood, tyranny, the slave class, and more.

I felt hurt that sometimes the hate and racism invades and infiltrates the African American peoples, within their culture, and that the hurt is so deep as to cause reverse racism, which includes more hate. And now I feel more tenderness and awareness to allow space for all of this, in new ways.

Powerful post movie panel featuring Humanity Activist Creatives
Poet Ebony Isis Booth: www.youtube.com/user/IsisSpeaks
Empowering Actress & Community Leader Karen Jones Meadows www.KarenJonesMeadows.com
And Activist, Poet, Writer Darryl Lorenzo Wellington www.communitychange.org/author/dwellington/

Such very tender human experiences expanding! 

I like that there's no real end to it, to the movie's gifts of expanding the witnessing audience's experience, and perceptions.

Human Identification. Such a fascinating, complex, scary, rich, tragic, and triumphant ride!

I step forward, deeply and truly moved by how courageous we are to live out these tests and experiences, and how brilliant and compassionate to find ways to straddle so many distinctive worlds, sometimes alone, and sometimes together.

To be led into something so private, while all together, with so much training against feeling and voicing our true differences, synchronicity, feelings and experiences... blew the walls right off this heart of mine!  Perhaps like layers of an onion, mine and those of us who shared this experience will continue experimenting with such personal walls, and allowing more and more to shed as snakes shed their skin, so we can understand and know each other, each one's experience, ourselves and our worlds even better.  So we can actively participate in transforming co-creating and uplifting it.

Living Cultural Bridge, African Art Purveyor and more: Victoria Scott www.blackartstudio.com/

Amazed, surprised, blessed, graced and awed... fully and truly!


I am reminded that humans are tribal peoples. Tribes enslave and exclude, project and experience, and pass on superstitions... sometimes.

Simultaneously tribes love, protect, steward, celebrate, nourish, care and cooperate.

Let us remember to be the inclusive, curious, celebratory and welcoming tribe!
Let us keep our wonder alive. Let us share this in honoring ways!

Another great milestone. With no official leaders, referees, therapists or specialists, I feel we broke through a lot of old walls tonight. Walls I tend to forget, negate, or deny exist, until I open up, watch, see, share, feel and listen.

America is a lightseed of Grace onto this living Planet, like no other. Tonight we definitely witnessed her bloom!

Crying again, as this living soul of a movie... opens and awakens love, in and through me!

There was far more to the experience, and  experience shared.  Still Some of it lives on within, informing me, and prompting me to renew my outlook, look into people even more deeply, listen better, and value and appreciate people even more now.

So blessed!  May we continue opening to and sharing blessing.  May we continue teaching, expressing, activating, relishing and learning together.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.