Saturday, August 2, 2014

Sweet Gifts and Opportunities

Laura Tarnoff & me Jen Klarfeld, this Summer at Tarnoff Art Center
The Summer is flying by swiftly, signifying an air of joy in my heart, despite the human highs and lows I see experienced by many around me, and that I occasionally feel within. I eagerly sought out love earlier this year, first bonding with a fellow Starseed in South America, and leaving go of that rushed union, a couple of full moons in. Later I test drove a more grounded love, with a recycled old lover and friend. We shared a lovely weekend together in May, in my beloved Santa Fe. It was all very sweet. Still about four months into mainly texting via facebook messages, it felt more like a sober business exchange, than what I know as a full fired love of the present moment. So I let these two counterbalances return back to their origins, the second, with friendship still intact.

I treated myself to a beautiful Tibetan Buddhism weekend retreat in Santa Fe, this Spring, led by a very light-hearted, and sweetly inspiring Teacher, Anam Thubten, Founder of Dharmata Foundation, out of Point Richmond, CA. The friends I met here, some familiar, and some new, were a delightful circle. The teachings and practice were very non-dogmatic, peaceful, replenishing and refreshing to me. There is even a lovely couple, who offer free talks, and Sangha, minutes from my home.

My dear friend Laura Tarnoff's Art Center is firmly taking root, with grants to reach and teach art to more children, in Pecos and Rowe, NM. I was invited to assist the teachers this Summer, and Laura and I even co-taught a day together, which was intense, wild, and fulfilling. Assisting to teach art to local kids, age 6 to 13, was challenging, and humbling too.  Many of the kids bare the burdens of the struggles of their parents, and the crazy challenges of life. Kids, I learned are not immune to the stresses of the adult world. Still we entered sacred space, and shared a lot of new learning, mastery, attention, intention, creativity, and learning together. It was demanding, and equally rewarding. I lived vicariously, learning new art secrets, and felt honored being there in service and support of these bright kids, local community, and of creativity itself. It was indeed a dream come true.

Also the process of painting I was gifted to share weekly support in this Winter, came to fruition in a beautiful, delightful, surprising art show of artists, including me, called the Inspiration Squad, who gather and create at Tarnoff Art Center.
My art can also be found at: 

My Precious Dad celebrating his birthday with Family!

In the mix was a dear visit to my Dad & California Mom, and a small California Family Reunion, which warmed my heart, and celebrated my Beloved Dad, in a good way. Dad enjoyed a big birthday surrounded by Loving Family.  Dad and Mary also completed my Dad's fourth book "Mysteries of Alien Technologies," in time for Dad's 11th appearance on Coast to Coast AM Radio & his upcoming presentation and class at Contact in the Desert, this month.

I was gifted to be a featured guest on two radio shows, Co-Creator Radio with Maxine
Taylor, thanks to my doting Dad. This was a truly special & rewarding experience, which is archived for eternity, at the following link: 
& Quantum Mindfulness Radio with Earth Angel Joel Ayala Ayapana, a highly victorious Explorer of Trailblazing Transformation.
The precious interview with Author Joel Ayala Ayapana will air sometime in September.

While some of Santa Fe was being pummeled by hail, earlier this year, Laura and I were given a special gift to participate in a new abstract art, weekend intensive, for free, as led by our friend James Koskinas, at his wife Julie Schumer and his Art Studio, performance and educational space: Parkway Artspace. A whole lot of transformation, freedom, inspiration, and renewal was fueled at the first expression of "Where the Pavement Ends." The spark which helped grow this intensive was an invitation and experience of James teaching kids, and me, this adult kid, at Tarnoff Art Center, last Winter.  Wow!  I am spilling over with gratitude for these gifts and treasures shared!

Summer continued with an adventurous road trip, as I answered the call to join my friend Laura Tarnoff and our mutual friends, old and new, for my first Sundance in this incarnation. Three daring girlfriends set out on a beautiful, scenic roadtrip, through Northern New Mexico, to the Navajo Nation, in Red Valley Arizona, in a big truck pulling behind a modern camper.

The Sundance was birthed and led by Howard Bad Hand, an old Friend of Laura's and her Parents, from South Dakota. I had met Howard a couple of times, at Santa Fe's own, Indian Market, and at Ojo Caliente Mineral Springs. In fact today is a special birthday for him, according to his bio on their website:
I must say, I didn't fully get, or even appreciate Howard, until seeing his dear, service oriented being in action, and in dancing motion, at his very inspiring global event. He is the Intercessor of the High Star Sun Eagle International Sundance for Peace.

The Land of Enchantment, on the road to Sundance
My Ex-Beloved Kamajou introduced me to Laura Tarnoff, seven or so years ago, when they worked together at the local watering hole in my neighborhood, here in Santa Fe. I am an Artist, from Winnetka originally, raised in a Jewish Family outside of Chicago.  Similarly Laura is an Artist, raised in neighboring Northbrook, from a half Jewish, half Italian Family, outside of Chicago. Needless to say, we recognize each other as Souls, and through many lifetimes, and cultures we hold near and dear to our hearts. We are regular loud pilgrims to the sacred waters of Ojo Caliente, the Santa Fe International Folk Art Market, Indian Market, Afreeka Santa Fe's Fiesta Fela and now Sundance, and endless creative and art making endeavors.

When I first met Laura, we swapped business art cards, of which we each had a whole variety, like our own mythical tarot card decks, in the restaurant, down the street from my home. Laura invited me to tend the fire, at her vision quest, up in Rowe NM. I came up, slept on her Dad's couch, and tended a small fire, from 2:00 to 4:00 am, while Laura sat up all night long, in a sweatlodge structure outside, awaiting unique medicine visions and spirit visits. Tom, her husband, feared for his wife's possible demise, as a roving grizzly bear's feast. A woman shaman and cosmic hypnotherapist, stayed on alert, inside.  In the morning I was invited into my first sweatlodge of this incarnation, with Laura, her Dad, Sherwin, and Friends. It was very sacred. What a way to begin a friendship!

Laura took on such a commitment, after facing the death of her Mother, and after many years around the Sundance, Medicine Men, and Sundancers, including her Mother, when they lived in South Dakota. Laura wholeheartedly invited me to Sundance over seven plus years of friendship.  I felt intrigued, yet never enough to prioritize it. I have my sacred circles, that are pretty non-dogmatic, I thought. Laura has hers. "Maybe someday, when I am more retired, or have more money, then I will go," I told myself, year after year.

Howard Bad Hand Sundance Intercessor
This year a mutual friend agreed to join Laura, to attend and be a supporter at the Sundance. Without over-thinking it too much, one day I decided, this year I can do it, and so I will. The timing just felt right. There was no huge problem calling me to heal it, more over all, an openness of heart, and a bit of blockage to clear toward naming and taking my next life steps.

So join in, I did! We were really welcomed, and quickly too. I really did not know a lot about the whole thing.  I am steeped in shamanic tradition, in my community circles for about 25 years now, which certainly helped.

We awoke the first day around four something, and made it to the dance grounds to see the giant red sun arise in the East. Dancing began in the circle's center. There were prayer sticks erected in white, red, black, and yellow, denoting the circle, and an open gateway, at each direction. We sat in some folding chairs in the South, under a round arbor of a sheltering sort. Not too many people were there so early, beyond the dancers, and a few supporters. 

I followed Laura's lead standing up and gently dancing to the beat of the drums, the men were beating, behind the whole ceremony. Women chimed in and sang chants at times too. There was a lot of beautiful formations and simple continuous dancing, and calling in the spirits of the various directions, and or honoring their presence.  

I was singled out to receive the chanupa, the sacred Lakota pipe, of one of the dancers, after the beautiful dance came to a close, along side a small number of us. Friends old and new gathered round and guided me on the protocols. The women I came with gathered together, with some other supporters in attendance, and smoked the pipe to send the prayers more fully to Creation. Each time we engaged in new practices, new friends guided us on new ways and approaches. We were guided to say Mitakuye Oyasin, All my Relations, and to be sure the tobacco was completely smoked that all the prayers are sent. It felt very sweet and very honoring.  At times I though "L'chiam" the toast meaning "to life!" from my Jewish heritage, and from memories of my mother appearing in the community theater production of "Fiddler on the Roof!"

Something about how the dancers felt of the spirit worlds, and we helped serve them from the material world, felt very reassuring, reminding how unseens and seens are always working side by side, hand in hand.  It all felt surprisingly ego-less. I felt very guided, encouraged, seen, honored, and well useful. It was very dear. My modern mind questioned some of the details. The dancers do not drink water, and dance out in the hot sun, and we were told not to wear sunglasses, jewelry, or to drink water in front of the dancers ever. As time went on, it was what it was, yet at first, my mind wrestled with the whole concept of self deprivation. I kept comparing it to my transformation practice. It would never serve for me to deny a client of a glass of water. Why here? Later it all fit into a larger context where it made sense.

The second day we were there, was a very full day, to say the least. There were piercings both days, of men's chests and women's upper arms with eagle bones, and I had not bothered to fully read, ask, or learn why it all even takes place. Laura had described bits and pieces to me over the years.  A tree is cut down, and transplanted. No one is praying to the tree in and of itself, yet there is a larger energy that is generated through the tree, like a torodial field. See the movie "Thrive!"  Later I felt it was also like a small world, or sphere  around the whole circle, or perhaps several, within each other. At times it felt like the enhanced energy of the Sundance encompassed the whole Earth!

Our first afternoon included the piercing, and I was definitely reacting in some slight shock and horror, even if a low grade, from my modern American ego. At times I felt like a kid, judging "this is hard, I don't like this," people are suffering, and my trainings teach me that sacrifice in exchange for healing is outdated, and of a lower plane, than I am trained to work from. Had to keep reminding myself, I am not here to be pierced, and each dancer is choosing willingly to participate, piercing or no piercing! The empath in me was a bit outraged, and believed I was taking on some of the pain. Later I realized that there is a huge ego trip underneath the modern new age empath trip, and it kind of lost its hold on me. What ever feelings I felt in response to the ceremony, were meant to be, and also mine, and they certainly transformed, as the Sundance continued!

We were quite wiped out at the days end, and woke up with slightly less enthusiasm for seeing the big red new sun, the following morning.

There were difficult moments throughout the first two days, for me. My Western questioning mind, still rattled on, on and off. Our Friends were to get married, under the tree, the second day. Also the previous night, Laura's Friend and I requested healings and learned the protocol. We sat at the dinner table with the Chief, so to speak of the whole creation. He treated us warmly, with no ego at all. It was very refreshing. Our friend got her nerve up to ask him about a healing for us. We ended up gifting tobacco, and a very reasonable donation to Howard, and we were pleasantly instructed and provided with all the tools and a simple lesson, on how to create a prayer flay and 16 prayer ties each, out of grass green colored cotton fabric and tobacco. It was relaxing and freeing to have this earthy  receptacle for our direct prayers, without having to really burden another human ego, with the gory details. We were also counseled on how to keep our prayers very loose and free, and intention centered, not really controlling the outcome, or details too much!  

So we got our prayers in order, and felt a bit giddy, and goofy, sharing cookies and giggles before bed. Our friend the groom, came over to our neighboring camper, and shared some very very deep wisdom, guidance, truth and inspiration with us.  We shared many laughs. We joked that this was his bachelor party, yet the stripping was on a soul level, more than anything!

Was it that night, after our bachelor party, when I walked to the enclosed showers with Laura? They turned out to be ice cold, yet I was already invested! Laura went back to wait for a hot shower in the camper. I decided to call it an African shower, and just go with it, and did! On my way out, in the dark, a small to medium sized snake appeared ahead and to my right, startling me with waves of very high energy. I had my phone, in the dark, yet it was turned off. The mystery remains... rattler or no rattler.  Grateful I never found out. Lights from the open dining structure flooded out enough to reveal the third snake I have encountered live, and close up, this season. I turned around and waited a short eternity for the grace of my cell phone flash light to reboot with my phone.  I raced back to the camper, as Laura scolded me about letting bugs in.  All I could say was "wild animal!"

Snake medicine. Everyone I asked spoke of transformation. My business is called Trailblazing Transformation, I said. "Yes, yet this is for you!" they reminded. Later, upon return, I told my Earth Angel bosses, who import art of the Huichol People of Mexico. Mary said snake is the most powerful feminine symbol of all to the Huichol. I did feel a very high and energized sensation, after my safe, still close snake medicine encounter. I am, after all born in the Chinese year of the wood snake!

The second day was super full. Laura and I shared some misunderstandings and vented at each other, in ways we are not used to. We were both a bit worn down, and raw, even though we were not dancing formally, only supporting. I missed a breakfast, and was very outside of time, before the dinner, the first day, actually all days! An inner tenderness seemed to come out, and clash, or even simply just lash out, or express some extra needs, that we usually need not bother to attend to.

The next day we again missed the full sunrise, yet still arrived early. I stood, and sat at the edge, and on a log, nursing my cup of green pomegranate tea, extra long.  This day grew to contain a lot! We shared and danced in the morning, and our friend, the bride to be arrived, looking radiant, and wearing actual jewelry. We got to participate in a giant healing, where the 50 to 60 Sundancers circled round, in front of us, from their side of the circle, and patted us with their powers, their bird wings and feathers. This was really astounding. What a original treat.

Perhaps even before this was the wedding of our friends in the circle. We were led through cleansing with steam, and allowed into the circle, with the dancers. Before this, a very special gift transpired. A woman came, a Navajo lady who had received a deep and powerful healing last year. She brought a bag full of beautiful jewelry. She asked if we were dancers last year. We got to witness her powerful gratitude, and story of healing. I instinctively asked some dancers, and found two women who where the Sundancers last year. They each remembered her well. As the stories and feelings were shared back and forth, I was moved to tears by the power all of it, and the privilege to merely witness.

Finally the wedding time came, and we joined the Dancers in the circle. It was very sacred, very special, very divine, and very beautiful. After the very simple, down to earth ceremony and uniting, sharing and kissing, the bride and groom were wrapped in a quilted, hand made star blanket, and they were sent to circle around the whole circle. We all followed. Only later did we learn, the bride, was so in the moment, she did not even realize we all followed in their trail.

That day we were asked to support the groom, the bride and friends, as he was pierced, in a way that honored their union. We agreed. From inside the circle, somehow, we were more energized by the heart and core of the egoless, spirit centered group in the circle. So, for reasons beyond my full understanding, I must say that it was a pure joy. Four of us stood behind the groom, and stayed our centers while he and others were pierced in the center, by the tree. It was very energizing and dear. My thoughts, fears and reactions were not present, this day, at least not at this time.

After a brief break, we were, all four women and supporters, invited to stand, as guardians to the four gateways of the four directions, with me in the South, Laura in the West, the bride in the North, and our mutual friend in the East, the place of new beginnings.
This was a treat and a gift too. We were coached, and steam purified, and guided to our posts, out at the circle's edge. We were suited with shoulder sacs of cedar, and a hot canister, on a wire, holding a heated rock to burn the cedar. All day each one swung their cans at the gateways.  I was coached to twist the can instead of swing, which was unique. I did a bit of both. Laura got to help hold the smudge can to purify the dancers, in the West.

Now the order of it all, gets a little blurry. Yet after the wedding, sometime that afternoon, we were called in for our healings, by the tree. It was me, our friend, and a few others. Yet it all played out like one big healing concert, we all co-starred in. It seems this was after all the light fun stuff, after the wedding, the group healing, and the piercing, sometime. After the four direction stewarding. 

The healing for me, seemed gentle, and intense all in one. Our friend the groom, came and yet it felt like Creator talking through him to me. It felt very private, and it was not ego centered, like Western therapy, or doctoring. It was different. There was some guidance about letting my identifications go. I recall being asked if I was complete, so to speak, if I had left all I had to leave with the tree? It felt like I had not, as a huge well of sadness rose up. I had this healers conditioning, or good kid programing to not fully address it, so instead of telling the truth of, "no there is more," I acted good, and complete, and left. Yet the truth was otherwise. So I walked out of the circle still kind of unfinished. 

I sat outside that afternoon, feeling so spent, and for a few untold hours, tears poured out of my eyes and my being, with no end. Laura and I shared some words about what the source of this grief was. In the end it did not matter. It felt both attached to pain and sadness from my whole, and early life, perhaps from my adoption and womb time. Yet Sundance is not Western therapy, so the concern is not really on the why, how or what, the concern is on the releasing, and leaving behind what is not truly you! So I kept running like a faucet, mostly not attaching the grief to any specific time, memory, person, scapegoat, or thing! Yet I merely allowed it to flow out. I was a human tear machine, a giant raincloud personified. I felt physical pain bottled up inside, burtsing forth, and longed for an aspirin, for the first time in many many years! Yet in the morning, it had all passed, cleared, free! Any fear around it was cleared out with the pure grief! Refreshingly gone!  

There was a whole day after this, yet it all blends somewhat into one now. The third day included a giant rainstorm, where we got drenched and cleansed! There was a kind of wedding like receiving line at the end, after the rain, and both protection, clearing, and cleansing from the rain. One of the Women Dancers stopped and gazed into my eyes and soul, holding up the whole line, indefinitely. I was again moved to tears. A few more of the dancers, shared some kind of holy recognition with me. One we recognized as having such uniquely amazing energies and powers kissed me, as I did her, and honored that we would remain in touch.  And this theme went on, some.  It was really something.

I spanned the gamut, from being the outsider, being reluctant to participate, to accepting the invitation, to joining in, and over analyzing, and questioning, to accepting guidance, feeling honored, learning and teaching the sacred steps and details, to full participation, gratitude, honor, blessing, appreciation, awe, inclusion, and surrender.

The Sundance Tree: photograph by Phyllis Mae Helms
We bonded with more amazing new and familiar souls!  A friend from one of my dear soul family circles joined us, after I had thought "Gordon would love this!"  He certainly did. 

Three of the Women Sundancers looked like soul doubles for three of the Soul Sisters in our friend Lynda Star's Starseed Family Circle. This blew my mind, and I shared this with one of them. I was heartened by the dancers who exuded joy, thoughout, and while it was not an ego centered circle, the way some, male and female, maintained their own high heart and overflowed with bliss, and their own uniqueness through the uniform dance and protocol, made my heart bloom inside!

I made connections with some, yet not all of the sacred people I did not want to leave behind. We were informed that they were to pull down and chop the tree up, so we went back to the center and watched the dismemberment. I could feel that the energies were of total wholeness and balance now, so the tree's service was complete. The bride and groom collected small hand sized, round slices of the tree, one for each of us to take with us. Yet it is really us who take and leave what we need, while the tree pieces no longer seemed to be quite so significant.

And so it is here, on Howard Bad Hand's birthday, that I come to find myself, freshly cleaned out, revived, renewed, and with a new heightened sense of unity, service, connection, peace, prosperity, joy, grounding, clarity and love, flowing from inside of who I am, and we are.

The message from the whole, from through the tree, and the ceremony, and the richness of it all, was that of being as a hollow reed, as a hollow bone, as what shamanism has all along always been about. That energy field that was co-generated, co-created, co-birthed, co-originated, is the energy field we are, every one of us made from. The gift of Spirits and Angels, Medicine Powers and Medicine Animals and Plants, is the gift of being and resonating our true vibration, listening, witnessing, watching, giving, helping, and receiving.  The gift is that we are here sharing this sacred music, this sacred dance, this sacred awakening, healing, and creation!  For inclusion in this, I am so grateful!

This year I have been bouncing back and forth between pressuring myself from the inside out for who I expect myself to be for others, and  releasing myself back to the freedom of being who I am for me.  I am grateful!

Photograph from Facebook credited to Anja Photography, as shared by Lynda Star
Mitakuye Oyasin

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Inspiration Squad Art Show & Joy Tracking

Inspiration Squad's Big Art Show!

April 27, 3-6PM
with Live Music, featuring Gregg Turner and Felecia Ford & Barebones Broomdust!
@ the Mountain House Gallery in Glorieta, NM

There will be 15 ARTISTS in the show (or squad members):
Karen Dew, Ezra Hubbard, Kristina Pardue, Laura Tarnoff, Hub Miller, Sherwin S. Tarnoff, Miriam Feder, Barbara Kestrel Andrus, Issa Nyaphaga, Jen Klarfeld, Pablo Perea, Linda Storm, Pilar Pumar & Jeanette Iskat

The Mountain House Gallery is owned by squad member Hub Miller, (AKA The Multiple Disimpressionable Junctionalist)

What exactly is the Inspiration Squad?  Visit us live on Sunday 4/27/14 and or online at:

Jen Klarfeld

Hub Miller

Attention Everywhere Oracle

Karen Dew

Issa Re-Visioning my Art with Ample Space Around!

"Summer Emergence" by Jen Klarfeld

Mystical Gaze


Krissi Pardue

"Doors Opening Here" by Jen Klarfeld

Painting by Kestrel Andrus

"Radio Taboo" Star Issa Nyaphaga

"Earth King and Queen" by Jen Klarfeld

Jen Klarfeld's Super Power

Laura Tarnoff: AKA The Focused Distraction
"Star Dance" by Jen Klarfeld

The Force behind it all: The Focused Distraction Laura Tarnoff

Shaman a collaborative by James, Jen & Laura

Reversible Painting by Jen, after class with James Koskinas

Global Activist & Founder of

HITIP - Hope International for Tikar People

Miriam Feder: AKA Ms Shugina: Creating Illusions of Confusions

Kestrel Andrus: AKA The Advanced Directional Dimensionality Channeler

The Anatomy Queen

What's Happening?

This season I have let myself go. I am no longer tied to my mind, to my habits, or my old plan. It's all still hanging around, in the background. Yet I am newly falling more outside of time than ever.

I am all about the joy.

I am feeling into the shifts within, and all around. Allowing myself to drop into my heart, and out of the plan, out of my trained need to control.

Had to call an emergency plumber, as my guest toilet was flooding through the bottom. A wonderful Plumber came and cleared a very long, giant, gangly, water seeking root, out of the pipes.  

Hey that's what I do with the psyche, in my work, I thought, quite pleased with the whole experience. I had a couple of other clogs, to clear, a tub, and a sink. I spoke up, "while your here, could you clear these too?" And so it was, such a revolution and a treat.

As the Plumber was plumbing I began to wonder, "how come I have deprived myself in so many areas, for so long?" I don't really care about the details, I am simply eager to wake up and live in new ways, to live my desires, in my waking life! I am eager to live from my heart.

While picking up some supplies, at Sam's Club, last week, a small juicer caught my eye. I stared and handled it, like a kid in a candy store, like an adolescent peers in the window at a racing car. "I've had a power blender on my wishlist for years, decades even.  Who am I to deprive myself now?!" I'm over that frequency! I tooled around, and on the return path, stumbled upon a large, package deal sort of blender, called a Ninja Blender. It cost about twice the price of the one I had been clutching earlier. It juices carrots into liquid, like a Vitamix, for a fraction of the price, and it's right here in my hand, accessible.

Where did I learn to close myself off to so much of life? Logic? I'm not buying it... the programmed logic that is. After all, I am the creator, the writer, producer, director and programmer, aren't I? Aren't we, Earth Kids?  So I threw caution to the wind, and splurged.

On a tight budget, I went to Trader Joe's and loaded the cart with organic basil, tomatoes, bananas, lettuce, spinach, avocados, carrots, loads of ginger, organic broccoli, granny smith apples, and the works, some raw organic peanut butter, and lots of chia seeds! Oh yum.

In the check out line, a nice friendly clerk told me I have to see a documentary DVD called, "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" about an Australian Business man named Joe, who was shortening his life with rich heavy foods and drink. After contracting a horrible skin condition, and spending 7 years on steroids, without loosing the skin condition, he found a revolutionary doctor, who heals people with food. Under his care Joe, began a green juice fasting, road trip across America. 

I ordered the film on Netflix, and watched it a night or so later, leaping into my own raw juice cleanse, immediately, after my blender, veggie, fruit shopping spree.

Well, I am loving every moment of it.

Friends in my circles, specifically Lynda Star of
tell me that we the LIGHT and LOVE BRINGERS... AKA All of US... have planted our seeds, and now this year is being recognized and celebrated as the YEAR OF THE HARVEST. We are reaping what we have sowed now.

I am becoming a Joyful Juicer. Not quite an avid exerciser yet, but step by step, I am opening up to new values, new ways, ancient practices.

I feel more light, clear, sacred, and whole.

I marveled to a friend at a community event, on Thursday night. I noted of how amazing it is to contemplate, besides war, humans in the West blow so much dough on disease, wars on disease, wars to make money on disease, and foods that breed disease.  

We are Trailblazers, on the leading edge of a global revolution. We are actively, knowingly re-establishing Heaven on Earth.

I am totally thrilled!  Grateful and thrilled!
My Earth family, you are totally astounding me.  We are coming together as never before, as ever before, in the sweetest and dearest ways.

And what about the Mystery Man? What's happening on that front? Well, in line with divine fool-hood, mentioned in my last post, and catering to the joys of my heart, leaving behind old control habits and plans... it's unfolding so naturally, sweetly, strong and tender.

Me and my old flame of over 25 years ago, and life long friend are communicating daily. We've both been so busy with so much joy in each one's individual life, that we have not even called or video conferenced yet. It's a complete delight. We're taking loving steps at a natural pace, and enjoying each other for each other.  We're comparing aspirations, values, desires, and we keep coming up in lovely synch. 

We have a million things to learn from each other. Can't explain it all. Don't even want to. We will talk, interface, reconnect, reacquaint, and for now we are so enlivened in the moment, knowing who we want, and adore, yet not knowing all the details of how it might all come together. We know we will be friends for ever, and feel great anticipation for more.  

We will not bore you with too many details, until we live them, first hand! Let's just say, for now, it's better than a great romantic comedy, very spontaneous... a gift and a treasure... a reward for all our fine evolution and service within this life.

I found what I have avoided the last 9 years, a wholly compatible, feet on the ground man. And I am finding it very sexy, imagining little treats like holding hands, sharing hikes, laughs, meals, presence, familiarity, new perspectives, love, respect, kindness, simplicity. I am loving a certain man, from my shared background, with the same exotic accent as I bring. 

We bring unique cultures to each other, with our interests both dovetailing, and also many fresh and new. The best word for our connection is complimentary. I feel blessed. We both are comfortable going slowly, and seeing, what is this energy between us? Our Astrological charts confirm everything each one of us brings to the table, and all that we feel together. All my beloveds are rooting for us! I'm overflowing with delight. I wish such gifts for all!

Follow your heart... follow your joy!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Why I am Now Engaging as this Divine Fool and Loving it!

My favorite card by the ever genius Richard Stine

Happy April Fools Season Beloved Friends, Fools, Masters, and Innocents

I Jen Klarfeld have a few confessions to make, this April Fools Day. It's been a wild ride, on Planet Earth, as we are closing old worlds and systems down and out, upgrading, and opening up new possibilities, energies and worlds. We are doing this within, individually, and together, collectively.

My wise and magical friend Jessie, puts it this way: "We are becoming a brand new species, and are in our infancy of the experience. I feel a lot like a kindergartener, wholly and secretly loved but fragile and innocent." 

April Fools Day is a day representing our abilities to plunge into new worlds, freedoms, innocence, and play. It is a day or archetype of leaving one's plans, mind, thinking, and habits behind. A Fool is a joker, a trickster, a jester, a player, a truth teller, a hobo, a prankster, an adventurer, a comic, a cut up, a rebel, a dare devil, a kid. The Fool is always willing to get lost in something new and unknown. The Fool is unscheduled, unplanned, spontaneous. The Fool rushes in. The Fool can change on a dime, and perform without a plan. The Fool is fueled on intuition. The fool sees your flaws and her own. The Fools is unapologetic for her differences. The Fool is willing to get lost, again and again.

When I first went off to college, at a big ten University in Iowa, I fell into Pure Fool-dom. I craved everything I was not directly offered. I felt deadened steeping in the preordained juices of what others around me lapped up with seeming relish. I felt lost. Football and basketball players held the spotlight, well coiffed, overly polished women spoke of pledging sororities. I attempted to go through the motions of taking boring classes, that felt like everything I had already been dragged through in high school, only in larger, more impersonal, more boring settings. It felt, pardon my language, retarded, retarding, or at least wasteful, and, well, stupid. I could not find my way, in the structures and ways seemingly offered.

So I watched other kids climb the ladder, fall through the cracks, and adjust to the limitations of this preordained system. I fell in with the fringe kids, fellow lost kids and creatives. I discovered secret vaults of knowledge in the giant libraries. I romanced writing broken poetry, dreamed of studying ancient esoteric arts, finding books on the history of astrology, and I stayed up until near dawn, painting abstract paintings, with paint I charged at the bookstore, with no art class to back it up. I fell for the older, gangster-wanna-be, blonde, bad boy, from not far from my home, a slick smiling charmer. Not sure my heart was open enough to get broken. It was more closed then, as I put on a tough front, and found solace, in photographing outsider mosaic art walls, in dank gray winter yards, of the otherwise artless surrounds. I remember blowing smoke rings to the spirit realms, and reading Jim Morrison and Rosemary Tonks broken sentences, as poetry, and finding influence, inspiration, and permission to stop making sense and let go. I wallpapered my half of the dorm room, in GQ pictures of male models I didn't know, and posters of Scott Baio, and the Grateful Dead. I gleaned a 1.43 grade point average, and eventually, after failing out of photography and canoeing, got my wish, to fail out, and go. I was the tragic romantic, lost fool. I was the outsider, who spoke the same language as the other kids and teachers, yet didn't. I remember going in for therapy, and reeling out, as fast as I came into some bookish man's academic office, with no real connection I could comprehend. I had opened my soul, and was there to get help from a member of the walking dead.

In retrospect, I bless and understand it all much better. Years later, I gratefully have found and sustained wonderful resources, within who I am, as well as in my physical, tangible world, and in my larger global community circles. Now it is easy for me to see, I wasn't here to fit in, and be thoroughly domesticated. The Fool is the lost one, the outsider, the loser, the outcast, the fringe kid, the artist, the one who sees through it all. The Fool becomes the Hero, the Master, the Creative, the Artist, the Healer, the Way Through!

I was the Fool, and am now the Trailblazer. I am my own Hero, the one finding my light and my way, and sharing this along the journey. I am unusually open, in a world often more structured and closed down.  I am the one willing to give to myself and to others. I am learning to be the one who chooses, who opens and receives, who collaborates, shares, co-creates and leads. I am discovering myself as the one who is found! I love myself, and love this about myself, and about my fellow travelers. This being lost and becoming found, this is the Hero's Journey, as Joseph Campbell has so eloquently named and illumined, for us to see our hang ups, and victories, through the lens of.

In January, I set off on a courageous quest, as I have so many times attempted and failed, to find true love on-line. I got caught up in my identifications, as my old friend and teacher Arjuna Ardagh calls them. I am a healer on this starseed path, I must control reality, and find one of my tribe finally, and settle down and have this cookie cutter, high vibrational life, I have always sought out.  On a site called, short for in the fifth dimension, I was certain it would all be heaven on earth. Who could ask for anything more? I met three men, all with passions for writing, as well as spiritual roots, and gifts. The third one I met, after connecting as "friends" rushed in like a wild fire. My immediate response was to rush back. We rushed each other together, hence the earlier blog post of my instant engagement. In review, I had a lot of joy in my life, and some big next steps and leaps still to orchestrate. Still I have community circles, support, creative outlets, real close friends, countless new and local friends, many resources and gifts from within and around. I have many hard won resources within, perhaps more internal resources, strengths and gifts than even external.

I went along, enjoying getting to know this person we each decided we were ready to share  love, life, romance and purpose with, before really getting to know each other. At first I enjoyed sharing so much kinship, connection, love, attention, faith, and abundance of adoration and understanding.

One and two months into the virtual dance, I had intense reactions come up, for I began seeing the shadows rise up in heaven, right here on earth. Of course I saw all the shadows initially in him. This all came up out and through me and into the interplay, at the intense full moons of February and March. I simultaneously did work around it. "What's my role in this?  Why did I attract a lovely, loving, kind attentive potential partner who lives 3,000 miles away? Why is my inner male still wooing me from across the world? What did I do to lock in, yet another unrealistic, unavailable love? Why am I still lost inside? And why does this chosen one have pain and needs that I feel pulled to heal, while I am a fellow adult, with my own solutions, answers and needs still to actualize, find, meet!"

The Fool from

OK so here's a confession. A few months short of 2012, I met a beautiful man in my most dear Soul Community and Ceremony Circle, in New Mexico. We sat together knee touching knee, free streaming in a "Children of the Sun" meditation, with light circles around the world, incidentally the meditation to uplift Africa. We ended up sharing this very ecstatic double kundalini awakening, that felt better than any sexual experience I have ever had.  Later a clairvoyant friend announced to me I was no longer single, in her eyes, I felt mysteriously coupled. This all came unbidden, at a Paranormal Symposium.  She said this new partner and I would share 100%, like I had never shared. I told her "I 'm not even seeing anyone, but I had this kundalini experience..."

So the handsome healer man and I ended up trading healings, energy work for soulwork. I was convinced I recognized this fellow adopted human, as I felt his infinite angel energies, and confessed, having experienced the most ecstatic bliss, and a Rolodex file, slide show of past life flash backs including us as ancient Egyptian Pharaoh and Queen. I could feel our circle recognizing us and welcoming us back. I rushed him with my realizations and feelings. I gifted him a book by my Teacher Dolores Cannon, which inspired him to train in my field, as a Dolores Cannon Quantum Healing Hypnosis Facilitator. I was convinced he was my Twin Soul Flame. He had a girlfriend that was not head over heals on a spiritual, or healer's path. Now he has a girlfriend who is. When I see my Twin Soul Flame now, I am blown away by all the bizarre stuff we share in common. He feels like my sexy soul brother & friend.  We understand each other in ways few do. I am relieved that we learned that we are so alike, and we each exist, and are even the same sign, still we share this keen soul vibe, and never really misused our energies together in this life time. He showed me, we were, perhaps too alike to compliment, learn and grow from each other. So I am grateful and glad.

Al ricocheted into my life, and it felt really sweet, and familiar, and graced, and easy, in so many ways. And under the full moons, and other scrutiny, the many realizations I had, included, that Al Alvarez of Venezuela, the man I lovingly called my non-distance love, came at me, with this same ALL open, wishing, needing, inner longing, to have me complete him, or be his inner goddess, for all the world to see. This attracted me, and felt endearing. I climbed aboard, and felt such promise lull me too. One realization I later had was, that I was historically the one who saw past life flashes, knew the man on my path was all the handsome fantasy men, on the posters of my college dorm room walls, and imagination's projection screen. After all, I'm an Artist.

So what I want to confess to myself and to you, is something of how I have stalked the inner other half, male god, my whole life, in one way and another. And that's cool.  I bless it. I have been lost, the outsider, I have been the tragic romantic, I have played the fool, I have felt so many times broken, lonely, needy, longing and desperate. I have been oh so human. I have felt helpless, hopeless, alone, abandoned, and self judging. And I do not blame a soul. 

I do not blame my parents, my government, my gurus, my educational institutions. I do not blame religion, corporations, the illuminati, political factions, past lives, enemies, ex lovers, catty women, childhood crushes, or friends. I do not blame society, family, drugs, the police, or the president! I do not blame the aristocracy, money, the Pope, men, women, or the current scapegoat fad. I do not blame the jealous other, or even my ancestors, past life persecutors, death, or the tax man. I do not blame the conspirators, the devil, the black tee-shirts, or the black hats. I do not blame my childhood, my society, or even myself. 

So it is no one's fault that we opened up the vault of love, and I, to my horror, began to see a bit too much of myself, longing for a pre-made, 100% guaranteed soulmate, a Russian mail order bride, in a Starseed Male Venezuelan. I had a ball telling the world, "I found my Soul Mate!"  It was a lovely adventure.

I had this realization, while painting with my friends at the Tarnoff Art Center, on something called the Inspiration Squad, a circle of artists willing to paint and create and mount shows of our art for the public... that my super power is, that I am the "Attention Everywhere Oracle." I have not always anchored completely in my body, and on my beloved planet. I am far more at home resting as infinity.  And when I am painting, dancing, expressing love, surfing my intuition, facilitating awakening, healing, and soul arts, it is so divine dipping into the Infinite Waters of who I am. Yet I came to Earth to learn, and to honor limitations, and to gain understanding through experiencing feelings. I came here to be physical, not just to resist it.

I have spent many years putting on a good front, as this creative, an artist, a hypnotherapist, a healer, a friend, an art gallery associate, and many more. An old San Francisco Friend once introduced me as "This is my Friend Jen. I have to warn you, she makes it all up as she goes!" I love that introduction, for that is the essence of the Fool. So for better, and for worse, I am this expansive, open, imaginative, creative Source and Force.

I also must admit, I have been lost more often than not. I am so open to the fine art of being the Fool, everyday, that today, I want more to just share the truth. Today I just want to come clean. These have always been confusing times for me, as I make my way into emergence, through one kind of life, family, and community, into new ones. My last name is encoded with these two words: "Clear" and "field." It is easy to be one, for others. Yet I forget, too often, how to be this for me.

A very cool The Fool Tarot Card by Marmot Art, found on Google.

Yesterday I was guided to find this amazing youtube video by Teal Scott, the Spiritual Catalyst, my Friend Audry told me I must come and see, on her tour to Santa Fe, last year.
Feeling Lost and Ten Steps to Becoming Found:

This exceptional video is really helping me, untangle some of who I have become, for who I truly am.

I had this fear or feeling, that Al brought all this certainty to me, yet did not always have it within. If I apply Byron Katie's "The Work" to this, I do the turn around, and pull this projection back as my own.

"I fear that I have all this certainty for others, that I do not always have and source within, and for my own self!" Yes, sometimes this rings true for me. It is also part of the gift that allows me to remain humble, and in great awe of my clients and friends, reaching deep gifts and high heights, and balance within, on this shared path.

Like many sensitives, feelers, artists and healers, I have taken a good road, to rise up from old pain of the past. Yet I have also learned at times to be lost, to be the fool, to carry the pain of others around, to be open to my own detriment.  I have learned to feel responsible for the pain and suffering of others. Is this true, could I be responsible for the pain and suffering of other grown adults, that I have just recently met. Really?  No, of course not.

I have a best friend forever, my BFF Laura who runs
She is a solid, trusting, healthy force of grounded goodness, and still creative, driven, mystical and encouraging. We are a lot alike, and unique at the same time. While not a therapist, Laura is a Teacher, an Artist, Art Teacher, and more. Tracking each others' lives as friends, she has helped coach me, and at various times pointed out my blindspots and resources, like nobody else ever has.  

This year I have been wavering a bit, wanting to surrender in, as and to joy, and tired of plunking along, pretending to like the business building necessary to carry my practice into the New Earth.

Trusting others is my cornerstone. Yet can I trust myself?  And as I do, how vast a Self am I open to trusting, expanding, revealing and acting upon?

In reality, it does not feel like who I truly am, that is limiting me. In other words, I bless the Divine Fool space I have been in. I admit I am not sure, do I want to keep helping people heal themselves, in the ways I have set up. Yes and no. Part of me craves that breaking down, as I did at the University. 

I have so many cravings towards infinite unfoldings. I want to love deeply and dearly, and ideally one person, who is complimentary to share and build together a life that enriches, serves, and loves each one, and many.

I long to let my painting and art making run wild, and show me, what it is really here to share and bring, and bloom. I long to create more with and through music, and film, and to dance more often, more freely, in community, and to sing, and chant, and allow sound healing, and raw forces, divine and human to play through me.

No longer do I want to pin, bound, and lance it all down, in dead-end definitions, and expectations.

My heart is pure, and a gift worthy and fruitful for sharing. This much I am sure of.

One last confession, is that I have rekindled a flame between myself and an old flame of over 25 years ago. So far we have only shared on-line, and have not even shared a conversation, let alone a video talk. This old flame, and life long friend, is single, and at some major crossroads, as am I. He lives a pretty easy, healthy distance from me, in a place as unique and special, sought after, and sacred, as the Wild West place I did choose to dwell. He is more complimentary to me, as he is not a lost in the clouds of the ethers mystic, or artist, healer, or spiritualist.

The person I am just beginning, less than a week, to get to know, is a kind, warm, down to earth, impassioned, driven, creative, spiritual, athlete, and business man. He has a great sense of life, light, humor, and realness. He has something to teach me about the cliff notes version of sharing a life story. We already share attraction, friendship, respect, admiration, and many qualities. Our backgrounds are pretty similar, as are the roads of hard knocks we each pummeled through, to individuate into having more resources at hand, than many we grew up with.

I have no outward proof, that our lives could ever pair up, easily, comfortably or cleanly.  We are a real set of opposites-attract. The truth is, since I confessed to Al, that I do not feel I can stretch myself to co-create the fantasy we have been co-visioning, I have been very gently "engaging" with my long time friend, this one, who quite spontaneously opened my eyes to possibilities, we have already paved some ways to, in our younger days.

So, this time around, in a more grounding energy, I wish to not blast the world with a sudden fantasy love match for my future. So expect no immediate fanfare, names, photos, details, or projections.The treasures of it, are over all for us, now.

A Beautiful Tarot The Fool Card from visit for a free divination!

Just know that when one door closes, another door always opens. And for now I am really gifted, grateful, and grounded, nurtured and nourished to be friending, and who knows what's to come, a dear old friend and old flame, who inspires me to the side of life, I dearly miss, resist, and long to reunite with... the physical, tangible, ordered, logical, natural, local, balance of polarities, the simple world of physical 3-d reality. 

I fled to the spiritual, to find some force to run away to, or with, and the irony, is that the one who was so sure I was his 5-d soulmate, is the one, who reminded me, I do not know, nor want to know, nor have to know, label, define, project, lasso, shackle, or pin down all the specific details. I can let go and let Source. It's all blessed.

I am grateful for all the Beloveds in this sweet journey, and for my craving towards balance within me, my life, and my gifts, my loves and my heart.

For today, even more than most, I am grateful for resting, trusting, surrendering, and being this Fool.

In a meditation years and years ago, in Marin County, around San Francisco, hosted by Arjuna Ardagh, A friend of ours, came out of the Satsang, the Circle of Friends ... meditation, and spoke straight from his heart. He said: "My mind longs for everything. My heart longs for nothing."

Fool of my Heart... lead the way!