Emergence, Renewal, and New Leaps

I am grateful to my friend Wayne Overall, who shared some encouraging words about my expressive writing gifts, with me today.

I guess I stopped expressing through writing, at least formally, on my blog, early in 2021.

Probably around this same time, I also shut down my love of, and prioritization of expressing through making art, when I instead was facing the loss of so many of my closest friends and caring friendships.

This is all something worthy of looking at, and reviving, where vitality invites!

There is a lot of my true self, my home, my property, my passions, my self care, and visions for what I intended, and even my soul work, that I have simply shut down, and stopped uplifting.

I’ve lived through the passing, near and beyond 90, of both my beloved parents.

I’ve lived through the trauma of broken friendships, betrayals of sorts, or simply growth in severed and different directions.

My soul self took on opportunities like I was back in the spiritual world, like I was limitless.

Yet I must have broke, in the energies between defending my truth, and outgrowing my comfort and resonance in and with Santa Fe, amidst the changes within me, and those outside of me.

Now I am living simply, and very aware of the hurts I have let fester inside me, and some out around me!

I am more open to collapsing my tent, here, and moving forward, in a place of new resonance and clear kind beginnings.

I never imagined I would suddenly feel inspired to move on from Santa Fe.  

Yet inspired by my friend and soul sistar Lori Smiskol, I am plotting my likely course, somewhere more gentle for me.

Also inspired by my friend and soul kin Paula Watters Jones, who moved from Taos, New Mexico, and closer to Dolores Cannon Country, and is loving the dream, growing her food, painting her art, visiting Santa Fe, New Mexico, and selling her paintings on famous Canyon Road!

I am looking at the possibilities that moving to Arkansas may hold.  I am exploring Hot Springs and Hot Springs Village, in central Arkansas, as a possible next leap, and new home, surrounded by gentle people, warm community, lakes, water, crystals, swimming pols, hiking trails, and a slower pace of living, I just may need in recovering myself!

Make Jen Great Again.

My last name and my essence is encoded with clarity.  And alas we are in a polarity school.  

So while I feel self judgment, sadness, failure, and pretty lonely through so much of these changes, I equally welcome and bless trailblazing transformation, new beginnings, clarity, and renewal.

I will turn 60 in a few months.  I’m ready to leave a  lot of wreckage and loss behind me, and explore a whole new cycle of who I am, opening more room for me, and new levels and expressions of nature, America, community, friendship, safety, balance, ease, communion, and blessed service.

I am ready to embrace the unknown, to be free, and be free to be me, in a whole new place and way.

I am grateful to all the people and places, community, and activities thus far, here, in my home of 25 years.

And I am ready to try something new, and to embrace a whole new cycle of a life that delights and surprises me first, and me to share, as I glean a new flow.

So thank you to all who inspire me.

The divide, crash, fall, and breakdown, has not been easy!  Yet we emerge anew and can do so, again and again.

On the wings of love, all my Dear Ones!

I love you all,  across our odd changes, and beyond!

Sad for the lower range emotions.  Yet grateful for opportunities through authenticity, for betterment, renewal, uplift, and connection.

This quest began in connection!

This human experience, it cheers us on, when we hold it in a fresh and bright light!

Dear encouragement on your best pathway, and quantum leaps, my precious friends! 💛💖🩵

3-D Division, and Quantum Leaping into our 5-D Loving Unity!

luerzersarchive.com

My response to a seeming, racist smear campaign against me, by someone of mixed race, in my local and on-line community.

Sharing this response post, to one of the most over-the-top, rage filled, racist projections, I have experienced in decades, towards me, by someone apparently highly conflicted inside, projecting her personal, and familial, and cultural hate, racism, devaluation, and the pain locked inside her, on social media, onto me, after my responding openly and honestly on a political post, on a local musician friend's wall.

I refuse to shut my heart down, and withhold my truth, simply because some may degrade it, within their own fear and pain projections. The fear of others, is not the definition of where I live. Yet it takes me some extra effort to navigate these challenges, due to my own human frailties, challenges, and programming. For me it is a life long, lives-long process of healing, and transformation, loving, and learning.

My response, after being targeted and ganged up on by the daughter of someone I have shared a treasured friendship with, over 20 years in Santa Fe, and after being blindly attacked and abused by other friends of friends who do not at all know me, in reality. I am not divided inside, as much as Americans and America is being systematically warred against to be, right now. I'm being tested, like many of us, and don't even blame the haters. I just know who I am. And I feel an immense sadness, and pain inside of me, to be abused in these high school clique like attacks. This is all part of our growing through this awkward, painful divide, and rebirth of sorts. Not trying to diminish, nor take away from other's experiences, perceptions, nor any of it.

I also wish to share this, because I have lived above the hate that was inflicted upon me in my own dysfunctional, tribal family of origins, and in socialization within my life, and communities. And I just want to hold harmony, true love, empathy and understanding that is mine, through all of this change. And I want to shed light on the haters, whatever perceptions and sides they align with, both the haters in my family, and in our community. And I want to say, I feel painful emotions too, I hear you, and I am not the enemy. Your pain is worthy of feeling, expressing, and getting help to feel, process, and finding support through processing. And it's important for me to see, know, and speak aloud, that I am not the cause of your pain, I am not your scapegoat, I am not the dangers you fear, out in the world. And I am not willing to pretend I am, nor am I a garbage dump for unprocessed pain of people whom I love, up close, or from far away. I am just not. I am not an adversary, nor am I an opponent, nor a stereotype, nor a threat. I don't need validation from people who can't see who I really even am, anyway.

Here is my response to getting dragged into racist hate, at a level I don't buy into, or fan the flames of intentionally, ever. Rather I hold views, as a human, and an American, that are under fire, as many people's views, and realities are, right now.

Hey, Local Friend that was always outwardly kind to me, prior to 2020. You're Mom was one of the first Artists who related to me, and welcomed me and gave me her original art, on layaway, when I was new in Santa Fe, years ago. I have 6 of her original paintings and prints, in my home, that bring me great joy. I do love your parents, and was given a CD of your music, years before you met me, and I felt a feeling of love, care, admiration, respect, and kvelling over you, as well.

I'm not outwardly a person of color. I fell in love with a man from West Africa, and after traveling there, did not feel that if he wished to move back, that much of what impassions me, in my healing work, even had any outlet there. Upon visiting, the family and culture was more into Christianity. I'm not so much religious.

So your projections on me are ironic, and I must conclude, not even about me, to me. I feel a lot of self hate projections, which is hard, as I was adopted, and my living parent is still filled with self hate and projections, and dumps these on me, in shocking moments. So yes your hate is painful to me. I don't expect you to be my friend if you don't see value in me. The healing work I do is for people who have a level of self trust, where they connect with Creator, and I facilitate their reconnection with the Source, and resources within them, so the one I lean into and trust, assisting my clients, are my clients themselves. I facilitate healing modalities with anyone who is drawn to, and shares a passion for the Soul, my teachers, and my offerings. I never really pushed it on you, anyone, nor anyone of color.

The people who seek me out for help, do so out of trust and resonance, not limiting their view of me to racist views, and separation. Wow.

I wish you only the best in your life.

When we spoke outside a grocery store, I experienced and expressed genuine valuing of your life, and you shared vulnerable topics, and I had no idea you may have had judgements about me, and or therapists, and or white people who hold space for our own transformational process, and those of others. Just Wow.

Ironically, I did see your Mom, in a grocery store parking lot, and it was after you had unfriended me, and I felt a horrible dread, over having been dumped by you, wondering if I am cast as an enemy of the whole family, now. I did not walk over and greet your Mom, as I have done over 20 years of shared friendship to me. Instead I felt really sad, and divided inside.

Tell you what, you define you, and I'lll define me, and if you can't share kindness with me anymore, in public, or on-line, let's let that be about you and your filters, and your unhealed wounds. I'm on my own healing curve myself, and feel bad to even participate in your pain, hate, racism, and judgement projections.

You want to hate Trump, go for it. I hate injustice, and racism, and have throughout my life, and learning about, and experiencing of them. Please don't project your judgements of Trump on me, because I am not him, and I am not fighting for racism, nor inequality, not corruption, when I simply see the possibility of Communism, the threats of Satanic Controllers, and indefinite fear and lockdown for the world, as manipulations, I stand against.

I see people fighting about cages, literal cages, cages of perceptions, and cages of projections. I want to live larger than this. I want to help myself and true friends through these challenging initiations. Yet I have to let go, and let people be who and where they are, as I speak openly to myself, and my friends, and community, about how I am willing to participate, and how I am not. And about what I hold as truth, and what I let others hold as their truth, yet know it does not define me from outside.

For my whole adult life, since I was 15, I have not experienced myself in the stereotypes much of society desperately clings to.

I am not apologetic for this. It is a spiritual gift I bring to the Earth plane. I couldn't trade it in, if I tried. Nor should I have to. If it irritates you, or you judge it, that's yours to face, and explore.

No it has not been easy, to see the souls in humans, when they, sometimes, can't even see the light in their own eyes, let alone the strength and qualities I see in them. Yet I would not turn my gifts down for anyone, nor anything. I am sure I have turned my gifts down, to fit in, to be loved, to be fed, and sustained from outside. Yet I am here trailblazing a whole new frequency into humanity, and I am at home within myself, and still learning to fully see, value, own, express, and contribute all the gifts my soul brings to the Earthly table.

Being real is nothing to feel ashamed of, within the dynamics of a healthy upbringing, a healthy family, healthy friendships, and healthy associations. Many of us have established, refined, transformed, and awoken these strengths within. It is not us who are sick. Yet it is not us who are always seen and valued from outside either. It's an inside job, at a certain point in the game. An inside job that is not always easy, or supported. Yet it is an inside job, that is worthy, valuable, rewarding, and ultimately sustaining. It is a hard won inner job, that once such resources are hard won, they can not be looted, undermined, nor broken, by forces outside, no matter how pained and desperate the detractors may act, or seem. They are merely facing their own wounds, and growth imperatives.

I never expected, at 55 years old, to have to play into hate, fear, blame, and scapegoating, on the scale that is unfurling in Americans, and in Humanity right now. Or maybe my soul knew all along, of the initiations that were coming, and why. It's still a shock for my human aspects, and my startled, scared inner child, still uncertain about my basic survival, and that of humanity, and America. Gratefully I have faith, I trust in my wholeness, and I trust in unity, wholeness, faith, and transformation within my nation, our human family, and our world.

In conclusion I love you. I love me. My coming to this life stage is both healthy, well nurtured, and hard won. How you feel about me, is none of my business, unless you have time, patience, will, and kindness to see the actual me, and not the propagandized, fear filtered version. That's your trash to deal with. And if you chose not to clean it up, I have virtually no say in that, except this expression to my self, my friends, and my community.

I will remain open in heart and soul to you, and to your shadow casting clique of bullying haters. That's me. That's how I lead life. That ultimately reflects on me, and my soul, and my capacity for valuing life, and my fellow admirable beings. I know these times are not easy to navigate for any of us. Still I am willing. And I release you back to your comfort zone, and or your discomfort zone, and back beyond both to the comfort zone where we met, before all this manufactured discord!

See you on the flip-side. And true deep divine love to all of us, sharing, caring, and giving our best, before, during, and after the big staged divide show! I trust we are bigger, brighter, and better than all this chaos, divide, and mayhem. Still I do hold faith in the changes many of us are holding light to traverse, and birth our world through.

InLakesh: I am another yourself!

Love and authenticity on the journey.

Love and faith through our Ascension.

Truly,

Jen

Abstract Art, Life Beyond Understanding and the Art of Healthy Boundary Renewal

Abstract Painting by Julie Schumer

Enjoy this abstract painting by Santa Fe Artist, Julie Schumer. Today simply looking at this and some other paintings on Julie's Facebook page, ignited me into deep contemplation, after a conversation with a family member, that brought some old and current uncomfortable feelings to the surface, in me. This inspired me to explore some thoughts of mine on setting boundaries and maintaining health in the face of old, less than solid enhancing relational energies.

Abstract painting for me has long been a sanity valve, and a harmonious salve. Opening such a creative process allows the freedom of the soul to dance, shine, and expand. As a highly empathic early indigo, and sensitive, abstract painting, mine and others' creates a beautiful escape from the limits of my human mind, ego and the pressures of humans, who forget who we are and potentially become energy sucks, sometimes me and sometimes others. Like going to the lakeside, soaking in the ocean, walking in the woods, or on the Mesa, abstract art takes me away & brings the sweet relief of not knowing, or having to understand anything.

I just attempted to set a boundary with one such person & family member. I suggested we share one light hearted phone call, alternating, and one where we dump our problems on each other, randomly. This brought out hurt feelings from the inner child of the other.

The Unhealthy Jewish Family Tradition, is to enmesh with one's children, (partner, family and friends) and shit one's constant pain into their off-springs cage, so to speak.

I will find a healthy way of setting a boundary that says, "It isn't good for me to share all these levels of your intensity and pain, on a weekly basis." I can do two freely shitting upon each other conversations per month, and two or more light hearted, vacation like, playful communications. Four pain and woe, enmeshing, woundology dumping/bonding sessions is beyond my capacity, interest, and ability right now. I will find a diplomatic way to state, maintain and enliven this boundary.

In too much of my Mom's family of origin, filling yourself and your loved ones up with pain meant they loved you. Direct expressions of love were a luxury reserved for other people and families, not facing Russian Pogroms & Hitler's Nazis.

I am of the generation that lives in relative safety. I am able to express love as love, directly. I am truly grateful. Learning to navigate these realities is a gift and a challenge I came here to face, traverse, and triumph through. I came to expand beyond the limits of all of these factors, and in doing so, I am better situated to help others through similar relational war zones, within, with family, friends, and co-workers. We are not slaves in this modern incarnation... Not anymore. It is up to us to re-educate ourselves and those around us, of how to treat ourselves and others with dignity and respect!

I am grateful to have found ThetaHealing, which helps me to more easily maneuver and secure the changes I desire in my life, from the inside first and foremost, and then throughout my full life expression.

In the movie, "Thanks for Sharing," there is a great line by the adult Jewish Doctor Son character, where he confronts his Jewish New Yorker Mother and explains, "I'm not your husband, I'm not your lover, I'm no longer your baby, and I can't be your therapist. I'm your grown son, and how we relate needs to change!"

In my work facilitating healing, awakening and change, as well as within all the wisdom my Dad has ever taught me, is the key truth, we cannot change others, we cannot save others, we cannot take away the pain from those we love. Yet a key premise in avoiding and healing old codependent traps, is honoring one's true feelings. And when it feels sucky, crumby, crappy, draining, deadening, hopeless and helpless, it's OK, and healthy to stop, excuse one's self, and to opt out of playing games that don't feel fun, in order to recharge, honor self care, heal replenish, set healthy role models within & about one's self, and with others.

The only one I can truly change is myself. I can do this when I feel what's real, speak my truth even when it is not comfortable, and make changes to grow strong, bright, brilliant and even more loving.

When love feels predatory, needy, unclear, confused, or unclean, maybe it is.

Sometimes loving yourself first, allows more loving relations, after renewed healthy boundaries are acknowledged, mapped out, maintained and upheld!

Check it on the inside, see "how does this feel?" Write your life for joy, love and kindness first, then you can more easily branch out and share this.

The pain of generations that came before us, is not our gift and legacy. Contrary to popular belief, it is not love.

Our ability to transform and source ourselves from love, through the pain that comes and goes while living this human experience... That's where it's at. That's what I am here to learn more about, and share more freely.

I am not here to deny, negate or condemn pain, mine yours, or my family members'. I am not here to make it my identity or false solace either.

These rights of passage, this stepping up to secure healthy love and changes, these are our sacred initiations. May I find the strength, power, love, support, and trust to allow these initiations to better me, and carry me forward. May I trust in the strength of who I truly am, and what I can make possible and real. May I trust in the wholeness and holiness of who we all are.

May you find all that you are, all that you love, and all that you are seeking. May you trust your grand initiations, as you open to the deeper gifts of who you are.

May we all recognize how truly blessed we are, right here and now!

May you take heart in whatever brings you comfort and grace, like art, dance, music, nature, community and soul bring me. May you find refuge in the beauty of who you... and of who we truly are!

Thank you everyone... Thank you my Family... Thank you Julie Schumer for painting your beautiful paintings, that bring grace, love, comfort, and healing beyond my mind's ordinary understanding!

I love you all! Thanks for starring in our crazy earth school play, together.

You can find Julie Schumer and her art at:

www.facebook.com/julieschumerart

http://www.julieschumer.com

You can find me at:

www.trailblazingtransformation.com

www.jenuineindigo1.blogspot.com

www.facebook.com/RawCreationArtistJenKlarfeld

www.facebook.com/TrailblazingTransformation

www.facebook.com/INSPIRATIONSQUAD

Soar High Mystique Wizzard

www.DoloresCannon.com

Birdwings by Rumi

Chief Seattle

Al, Alberto Jose Alvarez, Mystique Wizzard

Hello Friends: It was around this time last year when I met Al, Alberto Jose Alvarez, Mystique Wizzard, the Beloved Brother of Niurka Álvarez of Venezuela. We felt such a unique bond, love, and admiration, we decided we were engaged, and I told the world so, after our first meeting throughIn5d Esoteric Metaphysical and Spiritual Database, and a video conference call. We shared inspiration, love and friendship from a far. A few months later I decided I was too unrealistic as I was, and to let my engagement go, to focus on my more realistic endeavors, in my immediate life. I let this friendship go with it. Yet I wove many Starseed and Spiritual Friends together with Al. 

Yesterday I learned from my Friend Laura Tarnoff, of the sudden flight from this world of Al. We gathered to make art, and were morning and grieving so many friends and family facing illness, death, possible death, and so many lined up to soar freely from this world, now. Our Friend Issa Artoonist faced realities of the death of his Beloved Sister, as well as a surprising tragic murder in Paris of his friends and fellow freedom artists. What can I say... more and more lately, we face an unpredictable, rapidly changing world. 
I send love and comfort to all facing so many rapid changes. 

Al was a very spiritual, creative, warm hearted, imaginative, romantic, wise, and family loving friend, and self proclaimed Starseed, mystic, poet, singer, and gifted songwriter. He brought love to my heart and my life, without hesitation. We could all learn and source inspiration from his soul, life, art, and being. He sprinkled seeds of light and love into our world. He leaves behind a creative family of loved ones, a grown son in Japan, a young daughter, and a beautiful sister in Venezuela. You can enjoy his music on Soundcloud, and tune into the cosmos to hear and feel the songs of his love, light and soul. You can find his creative, mystical, and playful writings on poetry and starseed sites on line. He was one of the more creative, courageous, and playful human beings I ever had the chance to know, let alone get engaged to on the first date! I will smile when I visit Al's memories and Soul. Al was a gift. 

Soar free Al. Have fun playing, dancing, singing, and flying on a quantum scale. Hug Dolores Cannon for me... or however that works when you've become balls of light! Thanks for sharing love, divinity, playfulness, and soulful creativity with me on the Earth Journey. You are a One of a Kind Original. You must be enjoying a truly grand adventure now. Stay in touch with us, through the stars and the clouds! In love, grace and gratitude. Enjoy your reunion with Mother Father God, Source, Creation, Light, Your Best Friends, Family, Angels, Guides, Starseed Sisters, Brothers, and Pals! You will have a spectacular time! 

You will be missed, loved and cherished by many still playing out this grand adventure on Earth. Take your new colors, and enjoy being celebrated. Tell them of all the crazy shit that went down, at the end of 3-D and the crossroads into the New Earth. If you come back... we'll be playing a whole new glorious game down here. Thanks for helping to initiate it! As for how he left... I believe his heart expanded, becoming too big for this world... something like that. Others may clarify details. It's probably not the most important part of his life expression. Thank you!

The "Take it Easy" Vibe

My friend Sherwin, who never takes me too seriously!

Honoring Richard, who always shared the gift of "take it easy."

Life on Earth is moving faster, in many ways, with many changes coming, and some not coming fast enough.

Friends in Santa Fe and beyond celebrate the life of Richard Belote, at his passing this month. I posted photos of him, on my facebook page, and today, realized that one of his most prominent characteristics, besides his love of beautiful ladies, art, and music, was his "take it easy" vibe. I noted how this is a rare and precious gift on the planet, as many forces work towards freeing us, while many also are invested in limiting us more.

Last night I had a conversation with someone I love about all the massive challenges, in the friend's life, mirroring the traumatic crashes rippling through much of humanity, as well as through the old, decaying systems we have constructed, that are crashing down around us now.  Instead of helping, I said something, I felt encouraging, which seemed to translate in some other way.  Earlier that day, I had journaled in a way, that helped me realize, how it is not always easy to bridge my perspective in understanding, beyond, well, my perspective. And so I was faced with a living test in this realm.  I worked very hard to bulldoze through to establish a bit more understanding in both directions, as it is never my intention, to come in and make someone feel worse.

Friends collaborating in art making.

At the end of the community gathering of friends, I chatted with a close, old friend. I voiced concern for the friend on the edge of massive change. My host assured me, that all is and will be fine for the friend, and all.  My friend expressed this from a soul knowing. We are each human, and all have moments of falling to the pressures we experience in this world. Sometimes it is harder, watching a loved one traverse, shifts, endings, pain, and suffering, than it is, to spearhead it personally.

Our host has the "Take it easy" vibe, and the ability to access and share this from knowing itself.  I woke up today, realizing the simplicity of this precious gift. The bringers of it, are not always in perfect communion with it. Yet we are all truly the keepers of this gift.

A month or so back, while socializing with friends, my dear friend Sherwin told some others, of how he and I  share debates, from unique and varied perspectives. He explained, his secret to success, in this, that he never takes me seriously! I pondered this pronouncement, and responded, "that's what I appreciate most about Sherwin, is that he never takes anything too seriously!"

And there you have it. One of the greatest secrets on Earth. A few key humans, planted in every family and social circle in our lives, bring this rare gift of perspective, knowing, and humor, when blended properly, equalling the "take it easy" vibe.

As I have spent time with my African Brothers and Sisters through the years, and I include myself, hailing from everywhere, as a visiting soul, I note, at the core of this quality, are the roots of knowing more of who we truly are.

When all else seemingly falls apart, can I laugh at myself? Can I encourage and help those I love, come back to the place where we see how ridiculous most of the "problems" really are, from an expansive perspective. Can we always help each other see what's real, when so much in and outside of us, keeps changing?

Today I celebrate those knowing fools, who are wise enough not to take ourselves too seriously.  I initiate myself into this culture, I admire from outside, and within. I invite you, and all of humanity to join us. Have a laugh, embarrass yourself, play more, and always welcome the "take it easy" vibe.

As children we play games, sometimes winning, and sometimes losing. This is good practice for the rest of the ride.

My playful friend Devorah, taking up the fine art of clowning!

 Met this playful spirit painting at our Friend Leah's Group Art Show: www.ShaktiKroopkin.com