Because Sometimes it's Good to Loosen Up and Let Go!

TODAY: My car has a flat tire, my new client blew me off, my cat made a very tall secret pile of shit that revealed it's dried out remains to me... all this morning.

Last night I denied myself of my full rights to sleep.

Today I punished my cats with a surly attitude, a dramatic opera of screaming, and big bumpy delays on the road to breakfast...

Today I punished my self with a surly attitude, a dramatic opera of screaming, and big bumpy delays on the road to breakfast...

I am tired of competing to gain freedom, secure my home, build my career, & to acquire all that I blew off, rebelling against what seemed unreal & unhappy. Tired of a rat race I was never remotely attracted to.

Tired of writing myself out of the starring role in my own life expression, more than I realize. Tired of the uncertainty I dish out as my reality, every single day. Tired of putting up false fronts of strength and leadership, when I too am falling apart, frequently.

Tired of chasing my tail and landing nowhere new.

Tired of the politics, pains and dramas of this world.

Tired of being human, when I could be a jaguar, or a house cat!

Tired of spam & scam artists' e-mails & phone calls.

Exhausted from overtaxed adrenals, hyper sensitivity, PTSD, codependency... taking too much too personally, from recycling like it's a Renaissance art form, & from seeing too much from what I read in people's eyes, before they even talk to me.

Tired from the human majority orientation to predatory hustling our sister and brother man!

Tired of taking on high maintenance everything.

Tired of thinking I know what I am here to do, and how to do it.

Tired of my controlling mind, and my inability to run away whenever I want to.

Tired of marketing and managing a life that costs so much more than it earns me still.

Tired of doing it all alone & believing I have to.

Tired of being enemies with routine, planning, budgeting, money, time, numbers, patriarchy, and the entire left side of the brain.

Tired of not collaborating, dancing, & playing more.

Tired of locking myself indoors, like a prisoner, when I have free will, and a hankering for the great outdoors, let alone physical movement.

Tired of all these problems we have in human form.

Tired of complaining, mine, yours, and most of us here.

Tired of my loud mind!

Tired of telling myself I feel lonely, then feeling lonely to match.

Tired of being unloving to myself.

Tired of being unloving with others.

Tired of feeling trapped, alone, poor, and hopeless.

Tired of acting helpless, martyred & enslaved.

Grateful this is temporary, and that who I truly am is vast, beautiful, powerful, influential, divine, inspirational, GUIDED, connected, gifted and free!

Grateful to live on an amazing planet, in this amazing oasis.

Grateful to live in a beautiful, peaceful, earthy home, where I can swear, yell, scream and cry, without pestering anyone, or attracting the police!

Grateful to be alive, experience feelings, enjoy receptivity, develop mastery, acknowledge biases, and step in shit once in a while.

Grateful for my breath and my body.

Graced and grateful: I'm a woman!

Grateful I get to follow my heart & ricochet back from feelings of powerlessness... to experiences of freedom.

Grateful for my expansive consciousness, and our ability to run towards, often!

Grateful for my bold heart.

Grateful for my expressive nature.

Grateful for my curiosity. Grateful for my knowing.

Grateful I am the Mother Father Goddess God Presence... when I shut up & listen, or when I talk right over my own vast sparkling divinity & wholeness.

Glad I am this loud, messy, impassioned, original, one of a kind, go-getter.

Jen Klarfeld, Lead Trailblazer at Trailblazing Transformation

Glad I am this Trailblazer.

Glad I love so much!

Grateful for my messy, beautiful immediate family, birth family, soul family, earth family, galactic family, heavenly family, unseen family, & Land of Enchantment family, as well as you: my virtual family!

Grateful & graced by my love of life & colors, people & creatures, nature & beauty, culture & soul expression, perception, writing, dancing, singing, music, art, books & more!

Grateful for my love, my friends, my community circles, my heroes, my peeps, my weaknesses, my lessons, & my strengths.

Grateful for my sense of humor & my utterly comical human love-life.

Grateful for my passions & for my Pinterest page: 

Artist Laura Tarnoff Making Bold Strokes at Raw Creation Art Studio

www.pinterest.com/jenuineindigo1

Who knew a bulliten board could be so gy-normous!

Grateful for my ADHD Attention Dialed into a Higher Dimension & my lower nature, embodied right here, (within my full nature!)

Grateful for my ability to walk and talk, and the fact the one family birthed and sent me away, and another received me, cleaned my dirty butt, and nourished my body, mind, spirit, soul & being!

Grateful to be edjumacated, each and every day.

"Thunderbird Woman Dancing Unmasked" by Raw Creation Artist Jen Klarfeld

Grateful for my Thunderbird Nature, which jars the crap out of me and others, every time a thunderbolt hits the ground from our collective being!

Grateful for the contrast pushing me towards what truly fulfills me, in place of what I historically settled for, or convinced myself would.

Grateful for my juiciness!

Grateful for my successes and failures, and ours as a collective, and for all the guidance we receive from SOURCE, Angels, Archangels, Spirit Guides, Power Animals, Companions, Family, Friends, & Soul Kin.

Grateful for the collective of vast radiant galactic beings, of whom we are made.

Grateful for stories, songs, paintings, baskets, weavings, poetry, dance, theater, prints, photos, sculpture, rivers, clouds, earth, stars, planets, and sky!

Grateful for who we all are, our human mis-steps, mistakes, problems, grievances, imperfections, brokeness, troubles, and blues.

Grateful for our torrential human mood swings. What would music be without them?

Grateful for our tears, and giggles... burps and wiggles.

Grateful for our human pain and suffering, and the truths these hide and reveal.

Grateful for the opportunity to laugh, cry, break, heal, war within, rise above, and kiss someone real.

Grateful for who we all are and our daring & courage to even attempt to create heaven right here in embodiment, let alone our ability to get a foothold, and build a fine & decent foundation.

Grateful for all the tricksters, heyokas, clowns, & bullies, who show up to polish our diamond light and ignite profound flames of mirrors and lesson.

Grateful for all my resistance, that unwieldily anchor to all human suffering!

Goddess bless allowing, certainty, knowing, greatness, freedom, purpose, rhythm, fluidity, humility, trust and love!

Goddess bless us all!

Infinite cheers to you and to me, and to all of us... and the muddy, bloody, shiny, sparkly adventures we slog through each and everyday, in human form. If this were all it was for, it would make for a pretty sad & strenuous set up.

Yet if our souls set this all into motion with grand purpose and design, as I sense, trust and know is so, then we're giants, blazing this bright freedom trail to a bold, expressive heaven, right smack in the middle of who we all are!

Phew!

Grateful that while I was twisting and fussing, wreathing and screaming at my loss of control within the human game... it's morphed into a truly glorious beautiful day!

Shine on Beloved Kindred Ones!

Flat tire photo credit: from the Discount Tire Blog... Google images search.

Clarity Opens Doors Where We're Already Free

Ralph Smart: Can Psychedelics Take You to Heaven?

Today I had an experience within my practice, of wanting to give a client the world of all the juicy guidance, healing, clarity of purpose, confirmation, and more... in one all encompassing session.

We covered a lot of ground, secured radical changes, shined light in important areas, and recycled some highly debilitating root beliefs, in trade for a beautiful bouquet of empowering downloads.

The ThetaHealing was very powerful, and I perceived and felt it as life changing.

Yet the Dolores Quantum Healing Hypnosis did not come easily.This can be highly frustrating for the explorer.

Sometimes even I have sabotaged receiving a session, with a super tall order, when I am under heightened pressures.

Throughout my life, the drive to secure guidance from the Source of my Being, has been a primary motivation. When I am unable to assist in garnering this for a client, It is hard on me as well as all the frustrations the client has to face.

I am reminded that one of my core life lessons is "baby steps."

One theme that came up today, for me, is my question, observation, and awareness that I see two major self sabotaging patterns in my history, friends, and at times clients. One is a vicious circle of emotions locking one in a raging, small prison. The other is compounded by a relationship with marijuana use, and the spirits this attracts.

A handful of times I have watched people who live like a rolling stone, all evacuees of their hometowns, states, and sometimes countries, creating a life of circling, running from pain, running to pot, drugs, to new horizons, new geography, harboring anger, and falling into isolation, and inevitably danger, crisis, loss, physical challenges, and more.

Sometimes I can succeed in inducing beneficial trance states, and assisting to bring change. Sometimes the pressure is too high, to access resources, when individual baby steps are still called for.

Sometimes I need to use the Brian Weiss Past Life Regression, that is more long, drawn out, and well, down to Earth.

Sometimes people are angry, tired, and want to be saved, freed, and or guided completely and fully, yet other aspects are not ready for this level of exposure and accountability, all at once.

I still feel more enriched than not, and always have something to learn from holding this sacred space.

It reminds me that I am not a healer in my own mind's eye, so much as a facilitator. Before this I am a human being who originally struggled against my own challenges, handicaps, and pains, enough to learn tools to help me find my way back home to my true self, in tiny increments.

I used to think one day I would graduate beyond failures, my own, and those shared with clients.

Dolores reminds, "Even Jesus could not help everyone."

What do I think about marijuana, herbal medicines, drug addiction and other forms of addiction? I bless my early experiences in life, when nature and love enhanced my bliss. I bless my youthful escapades seeking love in the quick fix of spontaneous decisions. I bless my days of dancing at Grateful Dead shows, high as a kite, and loving every moment of it. I bless my experiences getting to learn the shadow side of drugs. I bless the freedoms and doors opened in tandem with pot and alcohol, before I learned to open those doors with my own Being!

I bless the healthy loved ones in my family and life, who modeled balanced, whole, loving living, to a degree that I found my way naturally. I bless teachers and artists who proclaimed and guided the way to self discovery, to infinite inner resources of who you and I truly are. I bless that when I now associate with people who enjoy ingesting and smoking pot, they over all sense not to invite or include me in the need to numb my brain, fog my consciousness, or feel called to reach for an external substance to fill, alter or numb my self.

I admire and envy some of their looseness, freedoms, their Earth connection, and creative outpouring. I do not envy the roller coaster of living and chaos, the jones-ing for something outside, or the imbalance of life, health, attention, or rest.

I still love food, and Midwestern fare. I read labels and eat as healthy as I can. I may abuse a bag of GMO free, organic corn chips and green chile salsa, instead of pulling a night of bong hits, these days. That's OK by me. I 'm still human, and still learning.

I do not judge the choices of others for them. I do note patterns.

When I was spinning out, smoking pot, and isolating myself from the mainstream masses, in my first year at a big ten, midwest college... I got pretty lost in, friends dropped away pretty quickly. There were kids progressing with school and life, and me, falling into my awkward, rebellious, lost downward spiral. It served me for a while, to avoid the downward spiral of conventional life. Yet it was not sustaining, uplifting, balanced, whole, healthy, or valuing, as an ongoing lifestyle choice for me. I could not focus in real ways on therapists, school, responsibilities, friends, family, life or my future, let alone my present.

I was good at daydreaming, sleep deprivation, dangerous living, and blowing smoke rings and spirals into the sky!

I have come to associate the pot smoking lifestyle with pain, suppressed rage, numbing out, self enslavement, brain fog, victimhood, mania, narcissism, abuse, woundology bonding, feeling lost, hopeless, helpless, imprisoned, stuck, deadened, habitualized, and eventually spiraling downhill, and away from one's full potential, wholeness, vitality, clarity, nature, and direction. I associate it with escapism, and with running away. I associate it with expecting to be saved, the reggae chip on the shoulder, the down Babylon projections and blame, and a level of chaos that no longer appeals to me. You could say I've outgrown my youthful love affair with pot. I have.

A few exceptions come to mind, yet for every exception I can also think of friends who have experienced train wrecks of lives, at one time or another befriending and accepting pot as their lover.

I would maybe enjoy it in a sacred context, in nature, with a really soulful, trustworthy friend whom I admire. Yet the more I live, the less appeal it has. I moved away from the desire, need and craving, as I moved into my full being. I value clarity, accountability, connection in my community, direct creativity, and empowerment from inside... much more now.

Well that's a really long tale to share why I love this video by Ralph Smart: "Can Psychedelics Take You to Heaven?" I am really relieved that my generation was so opened to psychedelics. They opened me and prepared me for the world I live in now, where we tap into the resources of who we are more directly.

I am grateful I was not a casualty of rage, mental illness, drug abuse or alcohol addiction. I slid down all of those slides with my friends, and solo, early on. I am grateful it led back out... and back into who I truly am!

Thank you. I know this is a charged subject. My strong views mainly reflect on me. I welcome you to find empowerment in a bounty of ways that may welcome and celebrate the substance relishing path. Who knows what is true for whom? I relish it all.

P.S. We are Heaven!

Abstract Art, Life Beyond Understanding and the Art of Healthy Boundary Renewal

Abstract Painting by Julie Schumer

Enjoy this abstract painting by Santa Fe Artist, Julie Schumer. Today simply looking at this and some other paintings on Julie's Facebook page, ignited me into deep contemplation, after a conversation with a family member, that brought some old and current uncomfortable feelings to the surface, in me. This inspired me to explore some thoughts of mine on setting boundaries and maintaining health in the face of old, less than solid enhancing relational energies.

Abstract painting for me has long been a sanity valve, and a harmonious salve. Opening such a creative process allows the freedom of the soul to dance, shine, and expand. As a highly empathic early indigo, and sensitive, abstract painting, mine and others' creates a beautiful escape from the limits of my human mind, ego and the pressures of humans, who forget who we are and potentially become energy sucks, sometimes me and sometimes others. Like going to the lakeside, soaking in the ocean, walking in the woods, or on the Mesa, abstract art takes me away & brings the sweet relief of not knowing, or having to understand anything.

I just attempted to set a boundary with one such person & family member. I suggested we share one light hearted phone call, alternating, and one where we dump our problems on each other, randomly. This brought out hurt feelings from the inner child of the other.

The Unhealthy Jewish Family Tradition, is to enmesh with one's children, (partner, family and friends) and shit one's constant pain into their off-springs cage, so to speak.

I will find a healthy way of setting a boundary that says, "It isn't good for me to share all these levels of your intensity and pain, on a weekly basis." I can do two freely shitting upon each other conversations per month, and two or more light hearted, vacation like, playful communications. Four pain and woe, enmeshing, woundology dumping/bonding sessions is beyond my capacity, interest, and ability right now. I will find a diplomatic way to state, maintain and enliven this boundary.

In too much of my Mom's family of origin, filling yourself and your loved ones up with pain meant they loved you. Direct expressions of love were a luxury reserved for other people and families, not facing Russian Pogroms & Hitler's Nazis.

I am of the generation that lives in relative safety. I am able to express love as love, directly. I am truly grateful. Learning to navigate these realities is a gift and a challenge I came here to face, traverse, and triumph through. I came to expand beyond the limits of all of these factors, and in doing so, I am better situated to help others through similar relational war zones, within, with family, friends, and co-workers. We are not slaves in this modern incarnation... Not anymore. It is up to us to re-educate ourselves and those around us, of how to treat ourselves and others with dignity and respect!

I am grateful to have found ThetaHealing, which helps me to more easily maneuver and secure the changes I desire in my life, from the inside first and foremost, and then throughout my full life expression.

In the movie, "Thanks for Sharing," there is a great line by the adult Jewish Doctor Son character, where he confronts his Jewish New Yorker Mother and explains, "I'm not your husband, I'm not your lover, I'm no longer your baby, and I can't be your therapist. I'm your grown son, and how we relate needs to change!"

In my work facilitating healing, awakening and change, as well as within all the wisdom my Dad has ever taught me, is the key truth, we cannot change others, we cannot save others, we cannot take away the pain from those we love. Yet a key premise in avoiding and healing old codependent traps, is honoring one's true feelings. And when it feels sucky, crumby, crappy, draining, deadening, hopeless and helpless, it's OK, and healthy to stop, excuse one's self, and to opt out of playing games that don't feel fun, in order to recharge, honor self care, heal replenish, set healthy role models within & about one's self, and with others.

The only one I can truly change is myself. I can do this when I feel what's real, speak my truth even when it is not comfortable, and make changes to grow strong, bright, brilliant and even more loving.

When love feels predatory, needy, unclear, confused, or unclean, maybe it is.

Sometimes loving yourself first, allows more loving relations, after renewed healthy boundaries are acknowledged, mapped out, maintained and upheld!

Check it on the inside, see "how does this feel?" Write your life for joy, love and kindness first, then you can more easily branch out and share this.

The pain of generations that came before us, is not our gift and legacy. Contrary to popular belief, it is not love.

Our ability to transform and source ourselves from love, through the pain that comes and goes while living this human experience... That's where it's at. That's what I am here to learn more about, and share more freely.

I am not here to deny, negate or condemn pain, mine yours, or my family members'. I am not here to make it my identity or false solace either.

These rights of passage, this stepping up to secure healthy love and changes, these are our sacred initiations. May I find the strength, power, love, support, and trust to allow these initiations to better me, and carry me forward. May I trust in the strength of who I truly am, and what I can make possible and real. May I trust in the wholeness and holiness of who we all are.

May you find all that you are, all that you love, and all that you are seeking. May you trust your grand initiations, as you open to the deeper gifts of who you are.

May we all recognize how truly blessed we are, right here and now!

May you take heart in whatever brings you comfort and grace, like art, dance, music, nature, community and soul bring me. May you find refuge in the beauty of who you... and of who we truly are!

Thank you everyone... Thank you my Family... Thank you Julie Schumer for painting your beautiful paintings, that bring grace, love, comfort, and healing beyond my mind's ordinary understanding!

I love you all! Thanks for starring in our crazy earth school play, together.

You can find Julie Schumer and her art at:

www.facebook.com/julieschumerart

http://www.julieschumer.com

You can find me at:

www.trailblazingtransformation.com

www.jenuineindigo1.blogspot.com

www.facebook.com/RawCreationArtistJenKlarfeld

www.facebook.com/TrailblazingTransformation

www.facebook.com/INSPIRATIONSQUAD